It's been two years since you left. It was for the better. Sorry I didn't visit often. I love you.

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

I don't like Miley Cyrus's music but this song is an exception. It's the struggle, I'm facing it now. No one knows what's going on right now. For once I'm keeping it to myself and trying to battle it by myself.

A simple realization...

When we were in Florida I received the bad news that I did not receive the Gates Scholarship. Dejected, I attempted to talk to my teacher. I will not disclose the contents of our conversation, but I will discuss one thought that enlightened me. I can't quote word for word but basically, the conversation was about my generation versus generations before. The idea that my generation, that people my age has been so consumed by convenience. That we fail to see the consequences, until it's staring us right in the face. I guess that's where the sense of urgency is derived from consequences. With such convenience and sugar coating from both school and home, individuals do not realize the real world. We think we can grasp an idea of how life works, but we all lack the experience. High school will end. Life moves on. Drama. Is a memory. Stress/Work. Builds character. Low points. Opportunity to rise. That's that. Enough.

I personally have lost my mind and socially incline. I have no self confidence. I don't got the courage to stand my own ground. How long will I go on saying this to myself. It's enough with the self realizations and on with action. How long will I go on saying this to myself.

Be the change you you want to see in the world. Love thy neighbor as oneself. Words quoted over and over and over again. It's an unwritten rule. Main point YOU! It all starts with the individual. You want something to happen, you want a reaction, an answer, you need to pose take action, set the trigger, and pose the question!

Honestly...
HOW LONG?

RANDOM QUOTES... PRETTY CHEESY

I don`t know what I want to do with my life. I just know I want to do it. I want to see the world. I want to meet every single person breathing on this earth. I want to give everyone a hug or a handshake, & I want to make someone`s life a little easier. I want to be different than the people I know because that`s what makes us beautiful. I want to be absolutely ridiculous before I die. I don`t want regrets. I want to stand for something.

Lead, follow, or get out of the way.
-- Thomas Paine

The important thing is not to be bitter over life`s disappointments. Learn to let go of the past, and recognize that every day won`t be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair, remember, it`s only in the black of night that you see the stars, and those stars lead you back home.

Random Day

My cousin woke me up this morning. Her and her boyfriend kid napped me and took me off roading to Kaena Point. First we made a stop at Waihiwa for some breakfast and then went off. At Kaena Point we helped a couple get their car out of the mud. It was stuck. Lucky thing my cousin's boyfriend is a nice guy. They paid him. That funded our shave ice and my Cheetos. Ouuuuweee. He's a nice guy :D! Got home and took a nap. Woke up my mom was bitching about a million things as always. Then went to Ala Moana, so she could run and I could walk along the beach. I had a story board running through my head for the JCHS DVD. Hahaha DORK! Made a pit-stop at Wal-Mart. Then went home :) My mom was getting ready to go out with her girls. Ugh! Once again yelling at the top of her lungs to help her. To help her with her hair and everything. If she asked nicely I would be happy to do it, that never happens. Next thing you know her friend needs someone to babysit her 4 yr old cause the elder daughters went out. (NOTE they are the same age as me). My mom asked if I would babysit. Just so my mom could get out of the house and relax with her friends I agreed to do so. The kid is cute, he is super well behaved. He was bouncing off walls. Once Mulan came on his but was glued to the seat. He then played with his playstation w/e. And then all of the sudden he gets up, runs up the stairs, and comes back down with this adorbale face. With tears in his eyes asking for his teddy bear. Apparently the room is locked. I called his mother, and he was talking to her. It was so cute. He then tells me I need a qtip. I got him his teddy and now he's trying to sleep. Peace of cake. ;D!

I can't take this any more

It seems my existence only caused you pain, for that I'm sorry. Remember be responsible for your own actions. For your action affect many. Your action your consequence. I just ask you don't burden me and my sister any longer.

North Shore

I paid a visit to my favorite place in the world, North Shore. From Mokuleia to Waialua to Haleiwa to Waimea. My greatest childhood memories are tied with the North Shore, to me the place is timeless. Sure a couple things changed, but the atmosphere all the same. In Mokuleia I remember camping with my aunties, uncles, and cousins the year my parents divorced. Staying up past 1am was a accomplishment. Snorkeling. Eating. Talking and Joking around with my older cousins. Then transferring to a beach house, throwing a huge party. Drinking fruit punch pretending it was wine. Seeing a Honu and playing Volleyball :D! In Waialua, I was still pretty young but I remember that sugar cane mill that was not too far from the gym, where my cousins and I would play basketball for PAL. Playing against some sexist boys, mad we were girls. Later on getting even and befriending them. Haleiwa to Waimea the beaches were my playground, didn't matter if the waves were two times bigger than me. Shark's Cove where I fell into the water, rocksand (roxanne), jumping off the rocks, getting tiny cuts all over my foot. Deathly afraid on sea urchins ( idk how to spell the other term for it). Watching the sunset, wishing the day never ended. I miss it, and I made it my mission to spend some part of my summer in the North Shore :)!