PIRACY

A GRAPHIC FOR ESTHER, A NEW ONE! MSG. LOUD AND CLEAR!
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Piracy is STEALING!
Stealing, yeah you know stealing. "GET TO BE ON TV. TAKE A RIDE IN A NEAT CAR. FREE ROOM AND BOARD." that commercial.

Defined as:
take (another person's property) without permission or legal rights.

YES! STEALING! Don't take stuff without permission. Don't use my stuff without permission.
LESSON LEARNED: WATERMARKING is your BFF.
I made it for ECEVDJ, not you. I don't even know you.

2009. Random Thoughts.

I woke up way too early! Been tweaking since. Like a geek, I updated my font list. WOW, good job, now get a life! Blah! Random thoughts. Rants. Whatever.

•My sister oblivious 13 year old teenager holy obsessed with Twilight, reads it like a Gossip Magazine, tells me a story that wasted 30 sec. of my life. Yet I find it so fascinating I'm blogging about it. ANYWAYS she tells me that 7th graders the little kids, when they get "asked out" they give each other rings? Like crap. WTF? Geez, little kids need to take a break, seize their little window of innocence before attempting to be mature.

•New years, an excuse to start off new just because it's a new year. Everyday is a new day, different from the day before so why isn't there a motion to change everyday?

•Countdowns. I'm tired of these graduation countdowns. Get over it! It's life move on.

•Credit. Piracy is bad children!

•Holidays? Is it really the holidays this year (2008). Has the economy and headlines in the news really tear up the family portraits.

•Can Obama bring change?

Bring it on 2009.

I know Jan. 1st is just another day. BUT! I had my fill of 2008, I want 2009 to come, ready for it with war paint on. I got a list of goals. I got somethings I want done. Yep bring it. >;)

ahh! Was suppose to go out with Jordan, Jeff, Daniel, and a few other people, my mother is totally off her rocker. Caught up on some shizz. I'm off.

Shudder at the sight.

Yesterday I was hoping to attend the Musical with Gemel, things came up and he couldn't go. Jeffry took me to the musical after a pit stop in Waipio. We went to the musical, I enjoyed it a lot. I got goosebumps. It was very nice, well played. The music was very cute, I really wished Gemel was there. So headed home, and the church is right next to the school. As we passed it I shuddered at the sight of the school. I looked at it and everything came flooding back, thank goodness we are on break. Almost PAU with Catcher in the Rye. Interesting book, how the kid don't want to grow up, he's a bit immature and he keeps a distance from a lot of people. He isolates himself and calls everyone who is older than him a phony. Well I got some work to do, bye.

aug 07 - present day.

"I need to start going with my instinct and suffer the consequences, whether it's good or bad. Stop questioning my self, if I'm wrong I'm wrong. It's not going to kill me. When I do mess up, don't cry. I can do it I can do it. I know how to do it, I know I will try not to mess up, Be the best, so why worry?! I need to stand up for myself. Stop over analyzing."

i'm reading my past blogs, blogs i posted on xanga too, about this whole year. so practically chronicled my life from aug 07 to now. Up there is the advice i gave myself in the beginning of the school year. back in august. I noticed in my blogs i had phases i stressed out and i grew from it stressed and grew. then i noticed i stressed and how much i had to reflect on my actions. how much tears. right now i'm annoyed with myself. sheesh cry baby.

BLACKOUT, Answer to my anxiety.

Yesterday, there was a blackout, practically the whole island was out. Right about the time my sister, my cousin, my mother and I was headed to the movies everything went down. So we didn't go, it was too dangerous and duh black out. Instead we spent an evening at home. I went walking around my neighbor hood walked up to my cousins place to check if she was ok. No answer. So my family, walked to the park. The park, is a huge hill that over looks the city. You can see Pearl City, Tripler and parts of town, and you could see Waipio. You could also see Makakilo. Yeah it was peaceful sitting up there looking at the island all dark. All lit my candles and moonlight. From that point you could see the cop cars and ambulances. I would have hated to be stuck on an elevator. We walked home and I called Jeffry, we talked a bit. I told him good thing we have this blackout more family time you know. I started thinking how often we are disrupted by electronics. The rest of the night I spent reading Catcher in the Rye under candle light.

I'm all good now. Relaxed.

Tomorrow looking forward to the OLPH Christmas Musical :)

Downtime.

Took this day to work on some homework. Read 1/4 of Catcher in the Rye, it's no biggie it's a small book. Probably read more later. My mind I need to clear. I need a good day at the beach. Sit at the park bench. Read something. Draw something. A good movie would be nice. Still recovering from everything, trying to avoid the list of things to do. Trying to avoid what still needs to be done at school. Need a || (pause) on some things. Yeah, still got a lot of scholarships to do as well as applications. I still need to build that portfolio. Need to do some drawings, some photo. May not be great at it, but at least I have something to show. I'm losing hope on one scholarship, highly doubt I'll get it, even the counselor got my hopes down. Still going to try for it. My biggest regret is fucking up my junior year, that stupid F. Nothing I can do now, no use crying over spilled milk. Just never making that mistake again. I'll just take the rest of this week as a break, and just continue to read Catcher in the Rye.

Build a list:
-Scholarship 12/30 (due date) ASAP
-Gates
-Finish reading Catcher in the Rye
-Finish up work before Jan. 5th (NEVER DO THAT AGAIN)

I think that will work. Maybe look into some community service I can do over the break.

holidays = fail.

so this christmas there is something about it that isn't christmas. i have a big family on my moms side, grandma had 8 kids. and they had kids, and some of them already got some kids. yep pretty big. like i said before they never can get along. and other things too. so this christmas my family had no christmas party. there wasn't any chit chatting with the aunties, random fun with my cousins. eating aunties desserts. hawww. i miss that. but no.

christmas eve, went to my dad's house and just watched love actually while he had a christmas party. tone deaf people singing ahhh. then went with my cousin kirstin. we went to see the city lights and visited my other cousins. delivering gifts. ate tempura and mandoo, and then back to my dads house. waited till midnight, and my cousin dropped my sister and i to my moms house. where she yelled at us. 7 hours later when we wake up she still yelling at us. still complaining swearing. there was no gifts under the tree so it was what ever. i finally got away from her, locking my self in the bathroom crying. once i got out she still countinued bickering, to the point where i started slamming things in frustration. went to my cousins grandparents house for dinner, and my mom rushing out of there. now i'm stuck at home bored :(.

plus i'm sick and i have a cold sore. erghhh.

day two.

yesterday,
I woke up at 4:00am my mom wanted to go to church, we somewhat went then ended up in downtown, ate breakfast as the little businesses began to open. Then got home and cleaned. I organized everything my drawers, vacuumed, scrubbed toilets, did the laundry. 12:30 Jeff picked me up and we met up with Jordan at walmart. Just browsing walking through walmart. Went to school, helped a little with cleaning. Gemel came, all sour I got distracted and help him finish his DVD cover. Rams, Jordan, and Antonio had a photoshoot. Went home got ready for dinner. Gemel picked me up and we went to PF Changs. This white lady couldn't function her chopsticks. Met up with everyone, ordered. Everyone finished their meal in like 5 minutes, "appetizer" so lame so much money for nothing. Went to the city lights, we all parked right in front of a graveyard. City lights, fricken Daniel putting up a Hawaiian Rally. Then couldn't decide about where to go to. Wanted to go home but ended up in Pearl Ridge. Helped Gemel shop for his daddy's and niece's gift. Then home.

2008 in review.

has not been a good year for me...
-lost some friendships
-lost my mind
-got an f
-don't talk to my dad anymore
-got kicked out of the house a couple times
-lost my sanity
-cried A LOT!
-stressed
-lost my best friend
-more vulnerable
-actually encountered drama
-meltdown & breakdown

on the plus side.
learned a lot.
fell down and picked my self up.
lectured a lot, inherited small piece of wisdom
gained new experiences
and pushed myself.
found a father
found a brother
and a "SISTAH!"
changed my perspective on a lot of things
a lot of growth from the inside...

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing,
but in rising every time we fail."
--Confucius

winter break.

i update like every 34 days sheesh so winter break is on. my to do list. scholarships. college apps. portfolio. and gain my sanity.

yep.

yesterday, cousin graduated from UH, use to do her papers for $35 an assignment. got her some good grades. cheee, and one of them was a math paper too. ate at Camellia buffet, with the family. smelt like korean bbq after. got home called up daniel, we went to the malls. ala moana and pearlridge. interesting random people at the mall. like a mommy putting make up on her son. saw sistah rae and lisa at the mall. this random lady tapped me on the shoulder and told me to tell daniel his fly is open lmfao. when he was dropping me off, this super hella weird coincidence. lol so random. home alone again -__- last day of school, busy busy to the last minute, and beyond that haha. third period 08 alumni came in and talked about college. i definitely want to get off this island. i know i'm gonna cry, all part of the experience. after school busy still, busy till 3 hours after the bell rang haha! i painted something ^_^ so cool. but yeah. ok keeping this short.

almost free.

i want to break free. i want to break free.
almost done. one wedding down. one more to go.
scion almost done. oia too.
soon is break, busy busy busy.
but that's ok ;)
final some me time.
sure i need to come in a little bit over the break. that's no biggie. clean here and there. so scared next term is the m word. Math.

this semester was a lot of tears, A LOT! stress, a lot of it. and one big turn around. this has been one hell of a semester, i learned a lot from it, grown a lot from it. next term next year, building that confidence. seriously, before it was like yeah w/e confidence i have it. Gain my sanity back! yes that's what I need. sheesh had a good conversation with pops today, i like those conversation, a lot of suggestions, criticism, advice.

irked with oblivious people. sheesh their annoying. well i'm done peace.

final thoughts on the day before i go to bed.

Last night I was so upset over something. I was so bad, I word vomited. I vented out so much hate, so much shit. I feel so dirty. I feel like I should be punished.

A fool's lips bring him strife,
and his mouth invites a beating.
A fool's mouth is his undoing,
and his lips are a snare to his soul.
The words of a gossip are like choice morsels;
go down to a man's inmost parts.
Proverbs 18:6-8

I have being doing so much of it, I need to stop. Who am I?
Tongue is a dangerous weapon, it breaks people.
brings out the beast in all of us.
we get so caught up in judging others
we don't see the monster that infected our soul.
our minds.
who are we to judge?
spreading hate, spreading rumors, hating on people.
why not let life just go on, worry about yours
not others.

I need to stop, bit my tongue. I feel dirty.

sunday.

almost the end of the the first semester. ^^ all the shizz i done in the first semester. looking at it damn i did a lot, pat on the back for me. well yeah, half the year is over. 3 colleges. C.C.C. OTIS & C.C.A. two of them require a portfolio. That's my break, creating my portfolio and scholarships, especially gates. I need it so bad. fingers cross. well brb.

mommy nature is having a tough time, while inconsiderate vampires have a ball game

it has been raining the past couple of days the reason to my MIA on blogger. the weather makes me sleepy. been sick lately. caught up with a few things. got involved with more things. same ol' same ol'.

today i witnessed two father daughter dances. one at my cousins wedding. and the other at my friend jamaica's sweet sixteen. i wish i had a party with a court and everything, but sadly no. my mom told me no ways, for my 18 bday/grad. my dad said you dont live with me why should i care. and my bestfriends party is like the day after my bday, and his cousins one is on my bday. so nailz. but man that would be so cool. too poor for it too hah!

well too tired. type in later.

9 days part two.

Today was not a good day for me. I was gloomy like the weather. First I wanted to finish deadlines so bad so I could edit, and then scolded by my teacher, I get into an argument with my friend, then turns to find out I'm not editing it, someone else is. I'm bitter-sweet about it, one side I'm happy it's off my chest, another thing to cross off. other half felt like I dumped a load on someone else, and it was project I actually took time doing the tedious work, so I could get to it. I still feel burden with newspaper and yearbook. So I was talking to Jon and Ramiscal after school. Talking about video... I remember entering this year with idea of just doing video, not even caring about yearbook. I didn't even care what the theme of the book was going to be. Newspaper, that was random, I didn't even plan on taking that class. I just wanted to do video. Some where in between I lost focus. Eyes full of tears, I'm still disoriented. I had an intervention with Jon and Ramiscal, thinking I'm mentally ill. Nice chit chat.My teachers, thank god they have been patient and understanding. Put up with everything I've given them. The car ride home, Ramiscal gave me a speech, the kind of speech a dad would give his kid. His speech, if i could sum it up is... the reason why i do this because i want you to learn and grow. Well I'm being kicked off. Peace.

9 more days.

9 more days till break. So woke up this morning, finally I'm sick. Chee Heee.

10 days till break.

First period, worked on the OIA cheer leading video and assigned jobs to everyone else. Working on the main edit, along with Jon's help, having Jeffry search for footage, Daniel on graphics, and Sean doing the introduction. Second period finished 95% of my layout, waiting on two pictures to be taken by Matt who was in 4th period, since I couldn't check it till 4th period. So I decided to do cutouts. Helped Mary with cutouts. Retook my taxi drivers picture ;D watching a few youtube videos. Lunch, I was going to work on the OIA but our substitute teacher from Friday had paid Esther to layout a poem he had written. She left the file at home and we couldn't edit it, so I ended up recreating everything because she needed to work on the yearbook. Ha ha and I never got paid for it, no biggie. Third period, watched 3 different versions of Hamlet, and got to analyze it. That was fun, analyzing the scene and the actors emotion. The film. One the best days I ever had in English. Fourth period, scrambling to print that poem for that substitute. I printed that poem 3 times, all the wrong file. Then I did some more cutouts. Matt did not finish the pictures ;(!

After school as usual working. Was editing the OIA cheer leading stuff. 2 1/2 hours, to edit 1/4 of the OIA stuff. Ms. Kimura came in. Making trouble as usual. She got this pretty red ipod for Tanaka who came in. Both of them started making trouble. They seen my unspeakable video. They want to make a spoof now. Ohshaaa. Ramiscal dropped me off, swear that man is like my dad. If you ever seen SCRUBS we're just like Dr. Cox and JD. I felt like I was on the verge of another breakdown, I had to keep telling myself to keep it inside. Shed a couple tears when no one was looking.

Anyways. Got home my mom made me a sandwich and salad. Sweet. Finished all the cutouts, waiting for an email from Angie to finish layout for christmas naupaka. I can do this, stick to my list.

I haven't blogged in a while, things in my head right now are so unclear, so scattered it's hurting me. not physically but emotionally. i don't know what's up. i need to see a doctor, no joke. i think that last meltdown, really killed. i can't write any longer, keeping this short. bye. well back on it. so i have no life. i'm always busy. i'm always stressed. i'm having blond moments. i'm emotional. what's wrong with me. am i depressed? suffering from anxiety? i need a sign. i should be starting on gates, but i don't know my grades, my writing... everything. i can only count on a prayer. i need money for college. college! i'm torn between two AAU or Columbia? Which one?!

today makes 67 years, since the bombing of Pearl Harbor. & it's a Sunday today too.

Anxiety

i've been too damn tired and lazy to be updating this blog. so much shit going in life right now, scholarships, couple videos, and breakdowns. I had a breakdown yesterday, over a paper, few other issues going on. I realize I have no confidence. So much, personal internal problems, I need to get over. Well brb.

in school and i miss mary's constant bickering and loud high annoying voice ;D hahaha i'm joking get better bitch.

anyways in school. and uh it's boring okay bye.

all i want for christmas is

him :(
not that way, nope i'm over that. i just miss the ways use to be. before life started happening. the random calls, the random moments. i miss him. hmph :( he's at CCD right now. hopefully we'll get a call.

on a side note, think about this.
would your 5 year old self love who you have become?
i don't think mines would.
:( MY NAME IS AHNDI
karma dummy!
Need to shape up.

Wrap Gift

Did gift wrapping today at Borders, pretty fun. Looked at a couple books. Books that I want.

-The Shack by William P. Young
-A Tree Grows In Brooklyn by Betty Smith
- The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz
- ANY DAVID SEDARIS book :D
- Tales of Beetle the Bard by J.K. Rowling

So was laughing at the sight of a little girl on a leash. The pidgin book. Omg hillarious. I wish Ms. Tanaka would read it to me. So much fun random stuff today. Twilight fans, so much people bought the book at Borders. The workers are so mean.