This summer.

This summer has tested me emotionally and mentally. There's so many things went wrong now I'm just trying to get it right again. He hurt me real bad real real real bad. How do you fix damage. Fuck I wish all of this never ever happened. But I have to have faith and believe that it was for the better. A LEAP INTO THE UNKNOWN. I'm praying for strength and acceptance. ALL I WANT RIGHT NOW, IS TO FALL IN LOVE AGAIN. I miss the old you. But life happened.

Here's the key, you're finally free.

"You believed that this was so long
You don't know the difference, and it's killing me
Cause you can have so much more
I am what your looking for
But you close your eyes on me
So you still can't see"

"/
I've had enough. It hurts me to see you hurt.

Now you're getting fucking sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down
Pin 'em
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways

It just don't feel the same. You know "/? It's kind of upsetting. For days we were arguing like crazy. Been crying. Fists flying. & I call yesterday and I get wth you talkin' about? As if nothing ever happend.

Once again things got swept under the rug. It's not right. It just doesn't feel right to do this anymore. It's sick.

-___- I seriously can't do this and it's scaring me how it's getting easier and easier everytime!

Bored to tears at work I googled my sort of alias "ahndiwear" and stumbled on my old blog. I started reading it. More REAL thoughts was spilled on this blogs than Tumblr. Tumblr to me feels like a magazine. A catalog of images and stories that brings you to happy and sad tears. Oh well I think I'll come back to this once again. I stopped in mid January.

I realize that when I’m hurt, that’s when I really reflect on my life. Hurt because others done me wrong. Or hurt cause I caused pain and discomfort. I pick apart my faults and my flaws and learn from them. When no one is around I pick myself up and find the words and strength in god. It’s when I hit rock bottom do I start to appreciate life.

Imagine it took a whole nights rambling to finally sort things out. I had this figured from the start but I refused to accept it because that meant losing you. It seems as though you are ready to let go and willing to give up just like that. For me I hang on because I care still. You mean a lot. You're not suppose to regret something that once made you smile. It's the end of the road we both know it, but I was not ready to give in. I had already convinced myself I don't like you. But jealousy got the better of me and I started to fall for the person you use to be. The person who cared. The person who could stick it out. We've both reached our limit. It's tragic. How close we use to be and look how far we've come. Friendships are suppose to be permeant, they are suppose to be better than relationships relationships, because through thick and thin you always got your friends back. I miss the old you. The new you, where you have so much hate for me you say things to hurt me. To get me to back away. You call me a pathetic bitch. I just let it fly. You tell me I have issues and insane. Fight with me. Threaten to hurt me. As an idiot I take it and beg you to give our friendship a chance. Why am I going to stick around with someone like that. It hurts no doubt, that things end this way. But like you said it's life.

even if we called it quits. somehow. someway. faith will bring us back together. i believe that. i got to believe that. it did so many times before.