"Haven't been living right"

I got myself in a terrible mess this summer. Yesterday I just broke down and cried. Asking for a little more time to just be angry. A little more time to let it out. But I'm done now. Enough. I'm a hypocrite and I can't believe some of things that came out of my mouth. I got nothing to blame but life. I mean shit happens but I wasn't prepared to deal with it. Never knew how to. I'm terrible with change. Horrible with goodbyes. That's me. I like order in my life. "You haven't been living right" Mounger's voice just echoes through my head. The ol' man's lectures are like podcasts on repeat.

The biggest emotional spurt I've ever had. I was all good. I was fine. & it took one phone call to get me snapping like a maniac again. I was wrong to react and respond that way. I was wrong to call you names. I was wrong to act childish and immature. I was wrong to have let vulgarity slip my lips every time I heard your name. It goes against all my own principles and morals. I apologize for that. For now I still haven't forgiven you. I will one day. & I hope you'll forgive me too.

As for the friendship. You. Yes I miss the company terribly. But after so much drama and arguing I've finally reached the point where I want to give up. "One last chance. You really want to call it quits?" that's all I can ask and offer right now. It's a take it or leave it. If it's a yes, then I learn to adapt. If it's a no then just got to try.

Another friendship. Maybe I'm just, scratch that. I'm just jealous. Not angry. Just jealous. Wasn't going to admit it and tell you because it's so stupid. I lost another friend. It started to feel like high school again. That period where you hated my guts and you turned to them. When I called it felt like you didn't want to hear my voice. When I saw you felt like you didn't want to see me. I felt so distant anytime I was with you. I felt so out of the loop and out of place. Like the only time I got a call was to help you out. No problem fine with that. It just... I don't know. Don't feel right.