Bring it on 2009.

I know Jan. 1st is just another day. BUT! I had my fill of 2008, I want 2009 to come, ready for it with war paint on. I got a list of goals. I got somethings I want done. Yep bring it. >;)

ahh! Was suppose to go out with Jordan, Jeff, Daniel, and a few other people, my mother is totally off her rocker. Caught up on some shizz. I'm off.

Shudder at the sight.

Yesterday I was hoping to attend the Musical with Gemel, things came up and he couldn't go. Jeffry took me to the musical after a pit stop in Waipio. We went to the musical, I enjoyed it a lot. I got goosebumps. It was very nice, well played. The music was very cute, I really wished Gemel was there. So headed home, and the church is right next to the school. As we passed it I shuddered at the sight of the school. I looked at it and everything came flooding back, thank goodness we are on break. Almost PAU with Catcher in the Rye. Interesting book, how the kid don't want to grow up, he's a bit immature and he keeps a distance from a lot of people. He isolates himself and calls everyone who is older than him a phony. Well I got some work to do, bye.

aug 07 - present day.

"I need to start going with my instinct and suffer the consequences, whether it's good or bad. Stop questioning my self, if I'm wrong I'm wrong. It's not going to kill me. When I do mess up, don't cry. I can do it I can do it. I know how to do it, I know I will try not to mess up, Be the best, so why worry?! I need to stand up for myself. Stop over analyzing."

i'm reading my past blogs, blogs i posted on xanga too, about this whole year. so practically chronicled my life from aug 07 to now. Up there is the advice i gave myself in the beginning of the school year. back in august. I noticed in my blogs i had phases i stressed out and i grew from it stressed and grew. then i noticed i stressed and how much i had to reflect on my actions. how much tears. right now i'm annoyed with myself. sheesh cry baby.

BLACKOUT, Answer to my anxiety.

Yesterday, there was a blackout, practically the whole island was out. Right about the time my sister, my cousin, my mother and I was headed to the movies everything went down. So we didn't go, it was too dangerous and duh black out. Instead we spent an evening at home. I went walking around my neighbor hood walked up to my cousins place to check if she was ok. No answer. So my family, walked to the park. The park, is a huge hill that over looks the city. You can see Pearl City, Tripler and parts of town, and you could see Waipio. You could also see Makakilo. Yeah it was peaceful sitting up there looking at the island all dark. All lit my candles and moonlight. From that point you could see the cop cars and ambulances. I would have hated to be stuck on an elevator. We walked home and I called Jeffry, we talked a bit. I told him good thing we have this blackout more family time you know. I started thinking how often we are disrupted by electronics. The rest of the night I spent reading Catcher in the Rye under candle light.

I'm all good now. Relaxed.

Tomorrow looking forward to the OLPH Christmas Musical :)

Downtime.

Took this day to work on some homework. Read 1/4 of Catcher in the Rye, it's no biggie it's a small book. Probably read more later. My mind I need to clear. I need a good day at the beach. Sit at the park bench. Read something. Draw something. A good movie would be nice. Still recovering from everything, trying to avoid the list of things to do. Trying to avoid what still needs to be done at school. Need a || (pause) on some things. Yeah, still got a lot of scholarships to do as well as applications. I still need to build that portfolio. Need to do some drawings, some photo. May not be great at it, but at least I have something to show. I'm losing hope on one scholarship, highly doubt I'll get it, even the counselor got my hopes down. Still going to try for it. My biggest regret is fucking up my junior year, that stupid F. Nothing I can do now, no use crying over spilled milk. Just never making that mistake again. I'll just take the rest of this week as a break, and just continue to read Catcher in the Rye.

Build a list:
-Scholarship 12/30 (due date) ASAP
-Gates
-Finish reading Catcher in the Rye
-Finish up work before Jan. 5th (NEVER DO THAT AGAIN)

I think that will work. Maybe look into some community service I can do over the break.

holidays = fail.

so this christmas there is something about it that isn't christmas. i have a big family on my moms side, grandma had 8 kids. and they had kids, and some of them already got some kids. yep pretty big. like i said before they never can get along. and other things too. so this christmas my family had no christmas party. there wasn't any chit chatting with the aunties, random fun with my cousins. eating aunties desserts. hawww. i miss that. but no.

christmas eve, went to my dad's house and just watched love actually while he had a christmas party. tone deaf people singing ahhh. then went with my cousin kirstin. we went to see the city lights and visited my other cousins. delivering gifts. ate tempura and mandoo, and then back to my dads house. waited till midnight, and my cousin dropped my sister and i to my moms house. where she yelled at us. 7 hours later when we wake up she still yelling at us. still complaining swearing. there was no gifts under the tree so it was what ever. i finally got away from her, locking my self in the bathroom crying. once i got out she still countinued bickering, to the point where i started slamming things in frustration. went to my cousins grandparents house for dinner, and my mom rushing out of there. now i'm stuck at home bored :(.

plus i'm sick and i have a cold sore. erghhh.

day two.

yesterday,
I woke up at 4:00am my mom wanted to go to church, we somewhat went then ended up in downtown, ate breakfast as the little businesses began to open. Then got home and cleaned. I organized everything my drawers, vacuumed, scrubbed toilets, did the laundry. 12:30 Jeff picked me up and we met up with Jordan at walmart. Just browsing walking through walmart. Went to school, helped a little with cleaning. Gemel came, all sour I got distracted and help him finish his DVD cover. Rams, Jordan, and Antonio had a photoshoot. Went home got ready for dinner. Gemel picked me up and we went to PF Changs. This white lady couldn't function her chopsticks. Met up with everyone, ordered. Everyone finished their meal in like 5 minutes, "appetizer" so lame so much money for nothing. Went to the city lights, we all parked right in front of a graveyard. City lights, fricken Daniel putting up a Hawaiian Rally. Then couldn't decide about where to go to. Wanted to go home but ended up in Pearl Ridge. Helped Gemel shop for his daddy's and niece's gift. Then home.