cause you had a bad day,

today was a bittersweet day. I cried, DAMN IT I CRIED! AGAIN! Ughh I thought I was doing good too. What hurt the most, was the fact he predicted it, he predicted I was going to freak out and cry. CRY! and i did! i wanted to prove everyone wrong that I could get through it without a tear, i wanted to prove it to myself. I was almost there, i was so damn sure I could do it. THEN I HAD TO CRY! being scolded? lectured? advised? again not fair not fair not fair. at least wasn't stress. ahndi again going on and on about crying, you don't know how much it means I wanted to keep my composure this time prove to myself I can do it. >____________<

in other news seems like everyone else is not having a good day.

we all are familiar with a bad day. it starts off as a normal day then WHAM! a problem leaks through, then another, then another, next thing you know your drowning in disappointment, stress, frustration. don't got no where to turn to, you try your best to bottle it up, your best not to wear it, your best not to let it get to you but in the end you pop. your attitude spills onto others, you didn't mean to. of course not it's all because you had a bad day you'll end up telling them after a day or two. then your stuck face looking down eyes full of tears and frustration both hands on your head as you pull at your hair and try to figure it all out, am i being punished? what did i do? why me?

well afterschool was ok, working with esther on our video waiting for jeff, watching the ol' man play with his iphone, trying to avoid the ol' man so we don't get work. talking to mary and sean briefly. then jeff came, i was scared >______< still am. then worked with esther and waited for her mom to grab us. then going to her house and eating pork chops and pinkabet(sp?). then home, homework, homework, homework -_____- and playing dr. phil.

My grandmother. I hate it when my aunties and uncles yell at her. I hate it when my cousins all of the sudden has a fake Filipino accent when they talk to her. My grandma and I have the same personality. She always helping others and hates fighting. She would swallow her pride, just to end an argument. When my grandfather was sick he would yell and throw things at her, but she would pick up the pieces. She stuck by him after he abused her, did drugs, and cheated on her. My grandma she always scolded me to clean the house, so my mother doesn't yell at Kelly and I. My grandmother is a free spirit, she hates being home. When she is at home she is cooking for her boys. You may see her on the bus, old lady with red/purple hair, jewelry, and 5 bags. Most likely if you sat by her she'd strike up a random conversation with you. The adventures on the bus, one day she came home, telling me about her adventures in China town. The next a bus route that took her around the island. She never let anything weigh her down. Yeah she's a little weird working at the clubs as a bathroom attendant, but I love her. PEACE :D

this contradict my belief about being a phony, for one i don't watch NFL football, only football i watch is high school football. i don't have a favorite team. i don't like watching sports. but superbowl is one way i get what i want from my bestfriend. been placing bets with him since sophomore year. this year the bet is about grad parties, no money involved because we both are broke. i don't ever pay attention to the game or the half time show. nope my joy is the commercials :)!

waiting. waiting. waiting. for jeff to get home so we can go out with the other two dancing queens. i got mail from CCA and OTIS, i still don't know which college to choose (if i get accepted). i got three schools on my mind: columbia college chicago, california college of art, and otis. i was looking at ccc as a different enviroment, so i can grow right get out of that comfort zone. cali college of art is in san fran, where jeff and esther is and otis same thing but in LA. so what do i choose comfort or not.

immoral,

I have a long weekend ahead of me, I have a lot on my plate, I just hoping to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and a can of monster at the end. I haven't blogged much I've been too tired. School is ok, something about this term feels good, it's not because high school is going to be over. No things are starting to feel like how it should have been in the beginning, it feels like the summer. We all got along. My confidence is not all up, but hell I'm getting there, slowly getting there. If it wasn't for all those tears idk... but I will admit this year I learned more about myself then I ever thought possible.

Anyways looking at the weekend...
I've got a videos, portfolios, essays, and chores on my plate. Note everything ends with an "s" oh well another challenge I got to face. Insonmia I tell you, but the ol' man been supportive and everyone else. I love them. Man, they all saved me from myself bigtime, thank you.

So this weekend:
SATURDAY
•Vaccum, Laundry, Yard work, Cleaning the bathroom
• Work on IB part of video
• Tanaka's Essay
• Study
• One portfolio done? maybe

SUNDAY
• Work on Alma Mater
• Cheng's Essays
• Study
• Portfolio number 2 (different requirements)
• Film earth month :)

how immoral, unethical of me but oh well ;D LOL

it's been a while

i feel like a monster. i've said so much that i'm surprised i ain't struck by lighting yet.
i need a bar of soap in my mouth now. but then again it was the only way or relieving stress.
lord forgive me.

I've loved you so long

I've loved you so long is a french movie that is absolutely amazing. Kristin Scott Thomas performance, like you really felt the character's pain. This movie is about a lady who has been released from prison after 15 years and is taken in under the care of her younger sister whom she has not spoken to for 15 years. The movie reveals early on what crime she had committed. She had killed her 6 year old son, relieving the audience. The question still remains why? why? Then slowly but not as obvious like American movies. You think they would have thrown flashbacks to see the character so disturbed give us a clue. No instead they stay true and show emotion rather than exploit her.

I don't know not a movie critic but watch it amazing.