I treat you as a friend
and after so many years
you treat me like I'm not even there!
I hate you
you bastard for making me
get all emotional like this
I hate you
you bastard for making me cry
I hate
the fact I'd be there for you
EVEN after all this
EVEN after everything
but you wouldn't for me.
:'(
I can't keep up this smile any longer. No I can't. I ain't about to break down and cry too. Nope. Am I ok? Far from it. I'm hurt and I feel pathetic for feeling this way. Hurt! I should be MAD I AM MAD. I don't give a fuck anymore. Couple months and we're off. You always wanted it this way. It's always been about you. YOU always care what other people think. When we both know it ain't anything more. YOU care what others think. BUT you never considered my feelings. AFTER EVERYTHING. You told me yourself. That YOU CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK! Even that letter from RETREAT that one time was a bunch of BULL! Still is. You always treated others better then me. I ask you a favor. NO. Someone else ask you the same favor. OH SURE! YOU DID THAT TO ME THREE TIMES THIS PAST WEEK! I treat you like a person, you treat me like a no body. Never EVER EVER did you return the favor. NEVER did. It always been about you. BEFORE you made me wait for you, for two hours. Only to find out you already left on another bus. SO MUCH SHIT! You should already know. ASSHOLE!
:'(
I'd be there for you
EVEN after all this
EVEN after everything
but you wouldn't for me.
:'(
:'(
:'(

School tomorrow not looking forward to *IT she thinks I'm a liar now. GREAT! Hah! Well this week looking back at it, I needed it. I needed to be in a different environment. Now that I am, I'm not sure if I ever want to go back. I spent this whole year apart from my friends. Been so busy with so much. I had my fill. I had enough bullshit. Well I'm pretty tired. I'm off.

this week.

was one of the better weeks i had in a long time. i miss my friends. i miss that feeling. i've been missing it for a while. fuck everything else.

LIST

English:
Tale of Two Cities Essay
Read Poems Analyze and Reflect
**AP SAMPLE ESSAY (start on)

Copy math notes
Write a letter

Update Resume
Recommendation Letters
Outline Portfolio
**UPLOAD (start on)

AND IF GET TIME...
STN Interview Questions
Begin Article
Start Scrap Book

It's been two years since you left. It was for the better. Sorry I didn't visit often. I love you.

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

I don't like Miley Cyrus's music but this song is an exception. It's the struggle, I'm facing it now. No one knows what's going on right now. For once I'm keeping it to myself and trying to battle it by myself.

A simple realization...

When we were in Florida I received the bad news that I did not receive the Gates Scholarship. Dejected, I attempted to talk to my teacher. I will not disclose the contents of our conversation, but I will discuss one thought that enlightened me. I can't quote word for word but basically, the conversation was about my generation versus generations before. The idea that my generation, that people my age has been so consumed by convenience. That we fail to see the consequences, until it's staring us right in the face. I guess that's where the sense of urgency is derived from consequences. With such convenience and sugar coating from both school and home, individuals do not realize the real world. We think we can grasp an idea of how life works, but we all lack the experience. High school will end. Life moves on. Drama. Is a memory. Stress/Work. Builds character. Low points. Opportunity to rise. That's that. Enough.

I personally have lost my mind and socially incline. I have no self confidence. I don't got the courage to stand my own ground. How long will I go on saying this to myself. It's enough with the self realizations and on with action. How long will I go on saying this to myself.

Be the change you you want to see in the world. Love thy neighbor as oneself. Words quoted over and over and over again. It's an unwritten rule. Main point YOU! It all starts with the individual. You want something to happen, you want a reaction, an answer, you need to pose take action, set the trigger, and pose the question!

Honestly...
HOW LONG?