AHNDIWEAR

VENT: Why did I stop you?
Why did I stop you from telling the truth? Why did I stop you from finally owning up to your mistakes? Why did I decide to take the blame? Fooolish. How foolish of me. Damn it. It’s true, my weakness is that I care too much. You played with fire. & instead of letting you get burned for my own sick satisfaction. I pulled you out. I cried with you. Honest. Somehow. Right now. Months later. I still suffer.

I saw the message he sent and I saw what you wrote. To him it was pinned on me. When in fact it was just a reason for your absence. You were gonna fess up finally. But when you said you simply were gonna text him. Cause you might yell at him. I figured it wasn’t worth it. I STOPPED YOU.

It was labor day weekend. & he looked fine and happy. I didn’t want anymore drama or remnant of you ruining the weekend.

I was upset. Common decency to talk to the person in a calm manner. After all the shit you put him through. You owned him an explanation. & the truth. Without any anger cause you put this on yourself. No bullshit about me. The truth about you. He shouldn’t suffer any more so I told you.

NO. I’ll take the blame.

Summer ended. We flown off. Wanted to leave you and all troubles behind. He already blames me. Why ruin any happy memories of you right. So that’s how it ended.

It’s ok. It’s fine now. BUT I know every time he talks to me. He looks at me as the bitch that ruined it all. When in fact it was the conniving girl that fool’d us all.

Memories of the summer still comes back. The night at the hotel party. The fighting. The tears. How you just laid back.

I hope you have a great life. As I deal with how he perceives me now because of you. How his friend dislikes me because to him I ruined a good thing. How now I feel so fucking insecure. All the trust is b r o k e n.

I could talk to him about this. But I have this tainted image of me because of you. I don’t think he’ll ever understand.

I still haven’t found it in my heart to forgive you. Sorry. Maybe one day. It ain’t happening any time soon. For the first time in my life I can honestly say: I H A T E you.

—-END RANT