PIRACY

A GRAPHIC FOR ESTHER, A NEW ONE! MSG. LOUD AND CLEAR!
click for larger image

Piracy is STEALING!
Stealing, yeah you know stealing. "GET TO BE ON TV. TAKE A RIDE IN A NEAT CAR. FREE ROOM AND BOARD." that commercial.

Defined as:
take (another person's property) without permission or legal rights.

YES! STEALING! Don't take stuff without permission. Don't use my stuff without permission.
LESSON LEARNED: WATERMARKING is your BFF.
I made it for ECEVDJ, not you. I don't even know you.

2009. Random Thoughts.

I woke up way too early! Been tweaking since. Like a geek, I updated my font list. WOW, good job, now get a life! Blah! Random thoughts. Rants. Whatever.

•My sister oblivious 13 year old teenager holy obsessed with Twilight, reads it like a Gossip Magazine, tells me a story that wasted 30 sec. of my life. Yet I find it so fascinating I'm blogging about it. ANYWAYS she tells me that 7th graders the little kids, when they get "asked out" they give each other rings? Like crap. WTF? Geez, little kids need to take a break, seize their little window of innocence before attempting to be mature.

•New years, an excuse to start off new just because it's a new year. Everyday is a new day, different from the day before so why isn't there a motion to change everyday?

•Countdowns. I'm tired of these graduation countdowns. Get over it! It's life move on.

•Credit. Piracy is bad children!

•Holidays? Is it really the holidays this year (2008). Has the economy and headlines in the news really tear up the family portraits.

•Can Obama bring change?

Bring it on 2009.

I know Jan. 1st is just another day. BUT! I had my fill of 2008, I want 2009 to come, ready for it with war paint on. I got a list of goals. I got somethings I want done. Yep bring it. >;)

ahh! Was suppose to go out with Jordan, Jeff, Daniel, and a few other people, my mother is totally off her rocker. Caught up on some shizz. I'm off.

Shudder at the sight.

Yesterday I was hoping to attend the Musical with Gemel, things came up and he couldn't go. Jeffry took me to the musical after a pit stop in Waipio. We went to the musical, I enjoyed it a lot. I got goosebumps. It was very nice, well played. The music was very cute, I really wished Gemel was there. So headed home, and the church is right next to the school. As we passed it I shuddered at the sight of the school. I looked at it and everything came flooding back, thank goodness we are on break. Almost PAU with Catcher in the Rye. Interesting book, how the kid don't want to grow up, he's a bit immature and he keeps a distance from a lot of people. He isolates himself and calls everyone who is older than him a phony. Well I got some work to do, bye.

aug 07 - present day.

"I need to start going with my instinct and suffer the consequences, whether it's good or bad. Stop questioning my self, if I'm wrong I'm wrong. It's not going to kill me. When I do mess up, don't cry. I can do it I can do it. I know how to do it, I know I will try not to mess up, Be the best, so why worry?! I need to stand up for myself. Stop over analyzing."

i'm reading my past blogs, blogs i posted on xanga too, about this whole year. so practically chronicled my life from aug 07 to now. Up there is the advice i gave myself in the beginning of the school year. back in august. I noticed in my blogs i had phases i stressed out and i grew from it stressed and grew. then i noticed i stressed and how much i had to reflect on my actions. how much tears. right now i'm annoyed with myself. sheesh cry baby.

BLACKOUT, Answer to my anxiety.

Yesterday, there was a blackout, practically the whole island was out. Right about the time my sister, my cousin, my mother and I was headed to the movies everything went down. So we didn't go, it was too dangerous and duh black out. Instead we spent an evening at home. I went walking around my neighbor hood walked up to my cousins place to check if she was ok. No answer. So my family, walked to the park. The park, is a huge hill that over looks the city. You can see Pearl City, Tripler and parts of town, and you could see Waipio. You could also see Makakilo. Yeah it was peaceful sitting up there looking at the island all dark. All lit my candles and moonlight. From that point you could see the cop cars and ambulances. I would have hated to be stuck on an elevator. We walked home and I called Jeffry, we talked a bit. I told him good thing we have this blackout more family time you know. I started thinking how often we are disrupted by electronics. The rest of the night I spent reading Catcher in the Rye under candle light.

I'm all good now. Relaxed.

Tomorrow looking forward to the OLPH Christmas Musical :)

Downtime.

Took this day to work on some homework. Read 1/4 of Catcher in the Rye, it's no biggie it's a small book. Probably read more later. My mind I need to clear. I need a good day at the beach. Sit at the park bench. Read something. Draw something. A good movie would be nice. Still recovering from everything, trying to avoid the list of things to do. Trying to avoid what still needs to be done at school. Need a || (pause) on some things. Yeah, still got a lot of scholarships to do as well as applications. I still need to build that portfolio. Need to do some drawings, some photo. May not be great at it, but at least I have something to show. I'm losing hope on one scholarship, highly doubt I'll get it, even the counselor got my hopes down. Still going to try for it. My biggest regret is fucking up my junior year, that stupid F. Nothing I can do now, no use crying over spilled milk. Just never making that mistake again. I'll just take the rest of this week as a break, and just continue to read Catcher in the Rye.

Build a list:
-Scholarship 12/30 (due date) ASAP
-Gates
-Finish reading Catcher in the Rye
-Finish up work before Jan. 5th (NEVER DO THAT AGAIN)

I think that will work. Maybe look into some community service I can do over the break.

holidays = fail.

so this christmas there is something about it that isn't christmas. i have a big family on my moms side, grandma had 8 kids. and they had kids, and some of them already got some kids. yep pretty big. like i said before they never can get along. and other things too. so this christmas my family had no christmas party. there wasn't any chit chatting with the aunties, random fun with my cousins. eating aunties desserts. hawww. i miss that. but no.

christmas eve, went to my dad's house and just watched love actually while he had a christmas party. tone deaf people singing ahhh. then went with my cousin kirstin. we went to see the city lights and visited my other cousins. delivering gifts. ate tempura and mandoo, and then back to my dads house. waited till midnight, and my cousin dropped my sister and i to my moms house. where she yelled at us. 7 hours later when we wake up she still yelling at us. still complaining swearing. there was no gifts under the tree so it was what ever. i finally got away from her, locking my self in the bathroom crying. once i got out she still countinued bickering, to the point where i started slamming things in frustration. went to my cousins grandparents house for dinner, and my mom rushing out of there. now i'm stuck at home bored :(.

plus i'm sick and i have a cold sore. erghhh.

day two.

yesterday,
I woke up at 4:00am my mom wanted to go to church, we somewhat went then ended up in downtown, ate breakfast as the little businesses began to open. Then got home and cleaned. I organized everything my drawers, vacuumed, scrubbed toilets, did the laundry. 12:30 Jeff picked me up and we met up with Jordan at walmart. Just browsing walking through walmart. Went to school, helped a little with cleaning. Gemel came, all sour I got distracted and help him finish his DVD cover. Rams, Jordan, and Antonio had a photoshoot. Went home got ready for dinner. Gemel picked me up and we went to PF Changs. This white lady couldn't function her chopsticks. Met up with everyone, ordered. Everyone finished their meal in like 5 minutes, "appetizer" so lame so much money for nothing. Went to the city lights, we all parked right in front of a graveyard. City lights, fricken Daniel putting up a Hawaiian Rally. Then couldn't decide about where to go to. Wanted to go home but ended up in Pearl Ridge. Helped Gemel shop for his daddy's and niece's gift. Then home.

2008 in review.

has not been a good year for me...
-lost some friendships
-lost my mind
-got an f
-don't talk to my dad anymore
-got kicked out of the house a couple times
-lost my sanity
-cried A LOT!
-stressed
-lost my best friend
-more vulnerable
-actually encountered drama
-meltdown & breakdown

on the plus side.
learned a lot.
fell down and picked my self up.
lectured a lot, inherited small piece of wisdom
gained new experiences
and pushed myself.
found a father
found a brother
and a "SISTAH!"
changed my perspective on a lot of things
a lot of growth from the inside...

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing,
but in rising every time we fail."
--Confucius

winter break.

i update like every 34 days sheesh so winter break is on. my to do list. scholarships. college apps. portfolio. and gain my sanity.

yep.

yesterday, cousin graduated from UH, use to do her papers for $35 an assignment. got her some good grades. cheee, and one of them was a math paper too. ate at Camellia buffet, with the family. smelt like korean bbq after. got home called up daniel, we went to the malls. ala moana and pearlridge. interesting random people at the mall. like a mommy putting make up on her son. saw sistah rae and lisa at the mall. this random lady tapped me on the shoulder and told me to tell daniel his fly is open lmfao. when he was dropping me off, this super hella weird coincidence. lol so random. home alone again -__- last day of school, busy busy to the last minute, and beyond that haha. third period 08 alumni came in and talked about college. i definitely want to get off this island. i know i'm gonna cry, all part of the experience. after school busy still, busy till 3 hours after the bell rang haha! i painted something ^_^ so cool. but yeah. ok keeping this short.

almost free.

i want to break free. i want to break free.
almost done. one wedding down. one more to go.
scion almost done. oia too.
soon is break, busy busy busy.
but that's ok ;)
final some me time.
sure i need to come in a little bit over the break. that's no biggie. clean here and there. so scared next term is the m word. Math.

this semester was a lot of tears, A LOT! stress, a lot of it. and one big turn around. this has been one hell of a semester, i learned a lot from it, grown a lot from it. next term next year, building that confidence. seriously, before it was like yeah w/e confidence i have it. Gain my sanity back! yes that's what I need. sheesh had a good conversation with pops today, i like those conversation, a lot of suggestions, criticism, advice.

irked with oblivious people. sheesh their annoying. well i'm done peace.

final thoughts on the day before i go to bed.

Last night I was so upset over something. I was so bad, I word vomited. I vented out so much hate, so much shit. I feel so dirty. I feel like I should be punished.

A fool's lips bring him strife,
and his mouth invites a beating.
A fool's mouth is his undoing,
and his lips are a snare to his soul.
The words of a gossip are like choice morsels;
go down to a man's inmost parts.
Proverbs 18:6-8

I have being doing so much of it, I need to stop. Who am I?
Tongue is a dangerous weapon, it breaks people.
brings out the beast in all of us.
we get so caught up in judging others
we don't see the monster that infected our soul.
our minds.
who are we to judge?
spreading hate, spreading rumors, hating on people.
why not let life just go on, worry about yours
not others.

I need to stop, bit my tongue. I feel dirty.

sunday.

almost the end of the the first semester. ^^ all the shizz i done in the first semester. looking at it damn i did a lot, pat on the back for me. well yeah, half the year is over. 3 colleges. C.C.C. OTIS & C.C.A. two of them require a portfolio. That's my break, creating my portfolio and scholarships, especially gates. I need it so bad. fingers cross. well brb.

mommy nature is having a tough time, while inconsiderate vampires have a ball game

it has been raining the past couple of days the reason to my MIA on blogger. the weather makes me sleepy. been sick lately. caught up with a few things. got involved with more things. same ol' same ol'.

today i witnessed two father daughter dances. one at my cousins wedding. and the other at my friend jamaica's sweet sixteen. i wish i had a party with a court and everything, but sadly no. my mom told me no ways, for my 18 bday/grad. my dad said you dont live with me why should i care. and my bestfriends party is like the day after my bday, and his cousins one is on my bday. so nailz. but man that would be so cool. too poor for it too hah!

well too tired. type in later.

9 days part two.

Today was not a good day for me. I was gloomy like the weather. First I wanted to finish deadlines so bad so I could edit, and then scolded by my teacher, I get into an argument with my friend, then turns to find out I'm not editing it, someone else is. I'm bitter-sweet about it, one side I'm happy it's off my chest, another thing to cross off. other half felt like I dumped a load on someone else, and it was project I actually took time doing the tedious work, so I could get to it. I still feel burden with newspaper and yearbook. So I was talking to Jon and Ramiscal after school. Talking about video... I remember entering this year with idea of just doing video, not even caring about yearbook. I didn't even care what the theme of the book was going to be. Newspaper, that was random, I didn't even plan on taking that class. I just wanted to do video. Some where in between I lost focus. Eyes full of tears, I'm still disoriented. I had an intervention with Jon and Ramiscal, thinking I'm mentally ill. Nice chit chat.My teachers, thank god they have been patient and understanding. Put up with everything I've given them. The car ride home, Ramiscal gave me a speech, the kind of speech a dad would give his kid. His speech, if i could sum it up is... the reason why i do this because i want you to learn and grow. Well I'm being kicked off. Peace.

9 more days.

9 more days till break. So woke up this morning, finally I'm sick. Chee Heee.

10 days till break.

First period, worked on the OIA cheer leading video and assigned jobs to everyone else. Working on the main edit, along with Jon's help, having Jeffry search for footage, Daniel on graphics, and Sean doing the introduction. Second period finished 95% of my layout, waiting on two pictures to be taken by Matt who was in 4th period, since I couldn't check it till 4th period. So I decided to do cutouts. Helped Mary with cutouts. Retook my taxi drivers picture ;D watching a few youtube videos. Lunch, I was going to work on the OIA but our substitute teacher from Friday had paid Esther to layout a poem he had written. She left the file at home and we couldn't edit it, so I ended up recreating everything because she needed to work on the yearbook. Ha ha and I never got paid for it, no biggie. Third period, watched 3 different versions of Hamlet, and got to analyze it. That was fun, analyzing the scene and the actors emotion. The film. One the best days I ever had in English. Fourth period, scrambling to print that poem for that substitute. I printed that poem 3 times, all the wrong file. Then I did some more cutouts. Matt did not finish the pictures ;(!

After school as usual working. Was editing the OIA cheer leading stuff. 2 1/2 hours, to edit 1/4 of the OIA stuff. Ms. Kimura came in. Making trouble as usual. She got this pretty red ipod for Tanaka who came in. Both of them started making trouble. They seen my unspeakable video. They want to make a spoof now. Ohshaaa. Ramiscal dropped me off, swear that man is like my dad. If you ever seen SCRUBS we're just like Dr. Cox and JD. I felt like I was on the verge of another breakdown, I had to keep telling myself to keep it inside. Shed a couple tears when no one was looking.

Anyways. Got home my mom made me a sandwich and salad. Sweet. Finished all the cutouts, waiting for an email from Angie to finish layout for christmas naupaka. I can do this, stick to my list.

I haven't blogged in a while, things in my head right now are so unclear, so scattered it's hurting me. not physically but emotionally. i don't know what's up. i need to see a doctor, no joke. i think that last meltdown, really killed. i can't write any longer, keeping this short. bye. well back on it. so i have no life. i'm always busy. i'm always stressed. i'm having blond moments. i'm emotional. what's wrong with me. am i depressed? suffering from anxiety? i need a sign. i should be starting on gates, but i don't know my grades, my writing... everything. i can only count on a prayer. i need money for college. college! i'm torn between two AAU or Columbia? Which one?!

today makes 67 years, since the bombing of Pearl Harbor. & it's a Sunday today too.

Anxiety

i've been too damn tired and lazy to be updating this blog. so much shit going in life right now, scholarships, couple videos, and breakdowns. I had a breakdown yesterday, over a paper, few other issues going on. I realize I have no confidence. So much, personal internal problems, I need to get over. Well brb.

in school and i miss mary's constant bickering and loud high annoying voice ;D hahaha i'm joking get better bitch.

anyways in school. and uh it's boring okay bye.

all i want for christmas is

him :(
not that way, nope i'm over that. i just miss the ways use to be. before life started happening. the random calls, the random moments. i miss him. hmph :( he's at CCD right now. hopefully we'll get a call.

on a side note, think about this.
would your 5 year old self love who you have become?
i don't think mines would.
:( MY NAME IS AHNDI
karma dummy!
Need to shape up.

Wrap Gift

Did gift wrapping today at Borders, pretty fun. Looked at a couple books. Books that I want.

-The Shack by William P. Young
-A Tree Grows In Brooklyn by Betty Smith
- The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz
- ANY DAVID SEDARIS book :D
- Tales of Beetle the Bard by J.K. Rowling

So was laughing at the sight of a little girl on a leash. The pidgin book. Omg hillarious. I wish Ms. Tanaka would read it to me. So much fun random stuff today. Twilight fans, so much people bought the book at Borders. The workers are so mean.

Christmas List Part 2

I don't ask for much. Anyways, today gift wrapping thingy at Borders. I haven't touch the external in the past 4 days, I put off everything cause this is the break I'm actually going to take it. Since I haven't done so over the summer, waiver days, and fall break. I actually drew something in my drawing book, cleared my mind enough, FINALLY! Still bothered by the fact the HM knows about the accident. Not looking forward to school, this blog probably piss off maryxbaby psst.. I never cry today haha.

Journey's Bomb Tote Bag

Journey's Plaid Messenger Bag
Dream Create Live Burnout Tee Forever 21 (HAHA)

Christmas List

Vans Boylston
IPOD Nano (PRODUCT) RED
Borders Gift Card
Pucca Doll :)
Canon PowerShot SD880 IS
The Shack by William P. Young

November 27

Unlike my friend, I do not like the trend. Happy Thanksgiving. So Thanksgiving plans, went to my cousins house and now at my other cousins house. Why we are not just at one house, one big happy family I do not know. The food is good as usual, I think I might die from my aunties desert trying very hard to avoid it. So what I am thankful for huh? The traditional stuff...

Mom- Always been there for me, although we engage in many pointless arguments, I still love her and I know she only wants the best of me and the best for me. She struggles, for my sister and I. I'm thankful for her selfless love.

Sister-Picking up the pieces. She's a good girl, although she acts immature. When I'm really hurt she takes care of me.

Kirstin- Is practically my older sister, although I do not agree on the things she does, she looks out for me and got my back. Always welcoming me. Giving me a place to run to when things get rough

Jeffry- One of my best friends. Always the guy you can count on the shoulder to cry on the sensitive teddy bear. He's been there for me, and I only hope I've been there enough for him. He has the biggest heart ever, although he's been through a lot. I love him.

Daniel- Sistah from another mother, nailz. Shit he entertains me, he's brighter than sunshine that's why ;) When I do panic and cry he's always the one telling me "No worriez sistah" Makes me laugh, Makes my day, he's the kine of people that makes life interesting.

Gemel- I love him, although he's a pain in the ass. My taxi driver. We argue a lot, barely talk, but he always got a place in my heart.

Ramiscal- The father figure, my in school father. He's always there counseling me, scolding me, making me cry, trying to make me a better person. Pushing me always, and for that I'm eternally grateful.

Mama Q- She's more like an aunty, she's so funny and lovable. She always console me when I am crying, when the big bully picks on me :)!

Mary & Esther- They drive me completely nuts, but I love them. Always letting me munch off them, sure we argue a lot, and I AM total opposites of them we still get along, shit we get shit done and damn it's amazing

Yesterday afternoon never again do I want to hear *her talk about things again. Got so distracted I wrote DICK UTILITY instead of Disk Utility, NAILZ.

for the next months my weekend is already filling up.
dec. 6 - SAT
dec. 13 - Cousin's wedding
dec. 21 - hiking ;]

so today told rams our (jordan and i) idea for a field trip. and to my surprise he was all happy to go too. and shizz. we started planning it out. today been working, busy body no joke. i can handle now. cherry. update more later.

now is later.
so today is today and yesterday is the shizz i wrote up there, lets start with yesterday.
yesterday first period had some lameee ass testing, someone wrote a note "lets not cheat" and passed it along, haha bullshit. everyone was cheating. the test was easy i took it semi-serious. came back to first period, someone was happy to see me -___- second period was working on yearbook and all that, then popped into ramiscal's class chit chat about hiking. a leaf and a stick used to poop, uh the stick? (inside joke). third period, snoozeeeer i hate those videos. fourth period boy did i feel like the boss lady created a checklist awear all over it, to get my layout done! after school log and cap 3 tapes.

last night, went to mickey d's with my mom, sis, cousin, and grandma. my grandma brought up the Philippines. Man I haven't been there in a long time, my other grandma who loved and took care of me, practically raised me till i was in elementary school, the last time i talked to her our conversation left me in tears. she told me i don't have much time left, come visit me, please i want to see you before i die. that was a couple years ago. recently our calls, is impossible... she's losing her memory. my mother made it a point to send me there next year. and my dad take care of my sisters fare.

life is moving at a fast pace... right now i don't know what i want to do in life.
there's this one thing, but everyone will think i'm nuts.
oh well laters... gemel should be coming soon.

seasonal depression?

could it be possible. it's the weather. it's the fact it's the holidays.
up till the third grade, my christmas... had christmas lights
a huge tree a little village with snow men statues
manger statues and car rides to see all the lights.
christmas songs. and alvin and the chipmunks.
then one year later to...
crying cause i wanted my old christmas.
i wanted that feeling that love from both my parents
i wanted them there together
never again did my house light up with decorations
never again did the smell of pine filled my house.
never been the same since.
when it comes to this part of the year.
my mind wonders on the upcoming year.
my feelings, all the troubles i kept locked up
comes out. as i let the cold tickle me.
this year... just feels different.
hope something good happens.

when was the last time...

you picked up a book? my answer to that question a very long long time ago :( for me that's sad. not that i hate reading, i love reading, but just finding the time and the right setting. recently everything has been at a fast pace, so busy i need to think a month ahead now. and when i do get the time i need, i am dog tired to do anything. that. this. needs to change. now what brings me to this topic...

today i did not attend church, i did go to the movies along with esther, daniel, and the ramiscals. esther, daniel, and i had some time to kill before meeting up with the ramiscals so went looking around odessey town. we went to a mini borders, and esther wanted to buy twilight, as for daniel he was pressured, gave in to buying it too. As for me i purchased a sketchbook. then we met up with the ramiscals and watched "BOLT" it's a cute movie, us geeky big kids got a couple laughs at the characters and a boom mic. then we left to get some jamba juice and pandas to go. we dropped off essy and daniel parked it at waikele to eat. then we entered borders. and to our surprise ohshaaaa rams was there, purchasing some right brained something book. then we left for home. so everyone is reading and i'm still tired from everything.

homework, should start that biography. but i don't know how. ugh i dislike cheng's class. that laziness is kicking in. ugh.

the weekend.

Friday, I was in school finishing up a couple yearbook stuff in the studio while listening to some 80's music and being freaked out by one music video Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart. SO nails. Then got a ride to Kalihi and caught the bus to the heart of downtown, all for nothing I was so upset. Spent some time at home, till Daniel IM me. He asked if I was interested in going to an IB party, so we went to the IB party. It was cute, they had a pie eating contest. Then we watched thee most disghusting movie. Inside a french horror.

Saturday, I was in school AGAIN. Haha cheerleading competition. I was bored. I juggled stills and video. Pretty ok. Had a few laughs here and there. Rams got a Wii and has been "addicted" to it. Jeff checking them cheerleaders out, haha jk. jk. jk.

Today church and movies, gonna go out and see BOLT with Essy, Dfizz, and the Rams Fam because of OMK :)

in school again.
give up my summer
my "no school" days
my weekends.
no ways, got to get shit done.

>;(

Something happened. that I wish to god it never did. but it did. I lost my best friend's trust worst part the one that hurts the most, is I probably lost their friendship. If you're reading this I know sorry isn't good enough, I don't know what to do. I did try to get to the place it was closed, and I wanted to thank you. I should have gone already. I'm sorry, tell me what to do and I'll make it up to you. SO SO SO SORRY. If you never want to talk to me, I understand. If you are mad at me, I understand. Sorry.

Update on some things,

goals for the month of November
start to stand my ground
discipline my self not to procrastinate
submit two college applications
sign up for the dec. SAT
work on my essays
have a life/clear my mind/gain my sanity
things I need to do, to regain my sanity.
-Take a walk around the neighborhood
-Draw
-Read something besides Heart of Darkness.
-Sip some Starbucks
-Watch a movie
-Finally eat Bi Bim Bap!!!! ONE MORE AND I GAIN MY SANITY
-Take a couple photos
-Have those old conversations with Gemel *SIGH fuck it already "THAT'S NOT HAPPENING"
slowly focus on other things.

Marinelle Guillermo

and I argued over blogger today.
I never cry today.
and by the way MEOW!
and I did talk to pops
and Mama Q
the end.


just for you ;)
maybe i'll do a mary approved blog
tomorrow... too tired.

update, so the tale of my recommendation letter. I woke up I checked my email and to my dismay I still hadn't received my letter of recommendation. My teacher had emailed it to me early this morning, he must have been tired because he had sent me my resume. As soon as I learned of my misfortune I called him, and once again I was jinxed for my teacher had left the laptop at home (he was headed to a workshop). The whole day I was frantic, but fortunately I have a friend like Angie to reassure me. Together we had worked on a couple college documents. I returned home quite early today. 3:00! HAHA! Gemel had taken me home, but before that we had to make a pit stop at KFC for him. He ordered forgetting his condiments so a trip again through the drive through. As I made my departure, I took his jelly and told him if he wanted it he needed to squeal, and the DORK DID! Haha, funny random moment which I absolutely love. I searched up a couple more scholarships online. Later in the evening pops called, bearing bad news my letter would not come in untill his power went back up. I decided to tag along with my cousin to Starbucks. Got home and finally recieved the letter. I gossiped with Daniel on AIM, and tried very hard to console Jeffry. I'm very weary and still a little troubled. Tomorrow is a new day. Another battle :) BRING IT ON Hannah Montana >;)

Nov. 19, 2008

AHHHHHHHHHHHH one hell of a morning. my letter of recommendation from pops i still haven't received he emailed me my resume instead and left his laptop at home :'[ i like cry... but idk. don't want to talk about it. Wished Jordan a Happy Birthday one day too early sorry.

Well I need to get ready peace.

5 sec wrap up

had another emotional day,
i did cry today.
not because of stress.
but something else
that hit close to the heart.
i'm ok now.
and everything is still good.
just having a tough time.
scratch that
maybe a istsy bitsy
bit hurt still.
well i need to sleep.
night.

Thanks,

I called my former history teacher, asking if she could help me out. Well as always we were talking about things, the economy, movies, and all that jazz. She then brought up a good point, the reason why I quit council, I forgotten... i'm not going to quote her, but here's the break down. I've done so much, because others wouldn't. now it's time for me to think about me. how exactly will karma have good fortune fall on me, if i'm too distracted.

Today been on it with college, stuff. 8 complicated essays in two weeks. I pray to god I get it. Please. Well I'm so tired, I can't even think right now and it's only 9:00 ouch. That's my problem, by the time I get home I have no energy for anything. Lame.

UGH!
now sweetie pie is irking me.

Hour later, finally hung up on him I can't take it when he thinks I can drop everything just to fix problems for him, for his project. When I got a billion and one things of my own.

It really is starting to feel like the holidays, besides the decorations at the mall, it really is starting to feel like it. I can feel it, the weather my mood is starting to think about family. Family... rarely are we are ALL together and happy, usually a bitter quarrel between someone. My mother anti-social hates it. Yep the holidays... I just don't want a repeat of last year... well I need to sleep losing my mind here. Peace.

I'm Thankful

Nothing lately has been heavy on my mind, phew that's a good sign.

Today I woke up a little late and went to church. Unexpectedly I started bawling, at church I never do listen to the pastor or anything like that, no at church I am in my own world, thoughts float around in my mind and I reflect on my life. I look at my problems and count my blessings. That leads to why I was crying. My aunt claims to be a palm reader, she refused to read any of older cousins palm, but when I waved mines in her face she grabbed it. She read it out loud in Filipino. I couldn't understand some things she was saying. I later asked my older cousin who was around, she said my aunt thinks I'm going to be successful. I don't believe in palm reading and all that, but I started to think about success. I always thought success is measured by the amount of money you have, but I finally came to my senses and realized there's more to it. Success in the dictionary is not defined by material possessions but rather an accomplishment, an achievement. So as I stood in church I started thinking about my success and fortune, and I finally got it. I've been rich in love. Throughout my life there had been so many people who looked out for me, who thought there was something about me, who cared for me. I never had a friend mad at me or say something about me as far as I know, and I always had encouragement from so many people. I'm so thankful for that. I always grumbled on the unfair life I lived, how it was unfair I didn't have a normal happy home, unfair I can't enjoy the simple things, unfair... but through it all someone was there, my aunties and uncles watched out for me and took me in when my mother was upset. In elementary school, I had sympathy from my teachers. Even now, I have teachers, who practically are like my parents. My friends ask me what's wrong..Through every stage in life I had someone looking out for me... I just never noticed it...

I LOVE YOU & THANK YOU...
I'm rich at heart and love,
no one can take that away from me.

Then A Hero COoOoMEs AlOoOoNG!

Today I vacuumed the house and worked on my HFJCC scholarship application. Then finally got that birthday video uploaded. Then Daniel picked me up and we went to Ala Moana for the Sony Expo. We chilled at Ala Moana for a while exploring the wonders of Shirokia, Macys, and Apple Store. Macys we meet a bonafied NANCY, BARBARA, JESSE, BETTY kind of woman, and a lady named Jessie D.

We spotted the Ramiscals right outside Shirokia, and Daniel and I were all scared, till we finally got the guts to go out there, we were kind of suppose to meet them I think? Anyways, almost got ran over by a 2 passenger stroller ha ha. Nah, was pops pushing his kiddies, and may I say for the millionth time his children are adorable. Half Japanese, Half Filipino babies always are. I'm envious of their fair complexion. I noticed the man donated blood, a few weeks ago he was unable to but now he can that's pretty awesome, proud of the ol' man.

Went to the Sony Expo, everything was amazing. They had some pretty dope SLR, the TV are unbelievably thin. The camera's have awesome lighting, and one of them requires no tape aii LOG AND CAPTURE is history ;P and a program called AVID NO RENDERING! Also a camera where it detects you smiling and it takes a pic. automatic. So Daniel, Pops, Sherwin, and I were standing in front of it, wondering what would happen if we just stood in front of it without any teeth visible, of course it never snapped but i guess our wi fi was on cause about 5 sec. afterwards we all smiled at the same time. Haha.

Afterwards walked back to Ala Moana, and went to the apple store. We were all looking at the programs and Daniel and I was like omg a Logo making program started joking with pops that if we had used this we could have gotten the A&C logo to him faster. Then Sherwin pointed out some SAT programs, and then pops pointed out two programs for me a elementary spelling game, and a math tutoring program NAILZ lmfao.

I was suppose to go to a Rex N. comedy show at pipeline with my dad, step mom, and little sister, but uh I didn't want to so I called my mom asked if we could go see a movie along with Daniel. We never, instead just ate and headed for home. I have a chance to see Rex tomorrow night anyways haha.

I'm home now and the neighbors are irking. There is a Filipino party going on, oh my someone busted out with the karaoke. Most popular songs...
once more you oOoOopen the doOor... my heaaaaaarrrt will goOo oOOon and oOoon...
then a heeerooo comes aloOong with da strength to carry on...
the greaaaaaatest love of all is haapening to meeeeeeeeeeee...
and da risen is clear itsh becas you are here...i'm on toOop of the woOorld loOoking down on creation... your loob has put me on top ob da world.

aii shaddap already.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdER2QVlqTM
check it out, made it for the BFF.

happy birthday

to my b.f.f. geeeeeee
i love you dawg :D

anyways, today is my bff's birthday, everyone got him a balloon and stuff, i started to cry cause i got nothing for him. i gave him a hug and shoved 5 dollars at him, he took of course filipino that's why. why the big deal? uh if a friend took you to the movies bought you ice cream and let you watch the sunset for your bday and you can't figure what to do for his, it's kinda a big deal for me.

first period came to school close to 50 min. late because sweetie pie forgot the camera. broadcast was running. finally did the arts and communication logo, a collab with daniel and i! &WHAT no mess. 2nd period got black emo make up put on me, because daniel needed to film a video about him without him in it. we were going for the mean girls look, hah! he caught me on tape falling off a chair LMFAO. Lunch being daniels bitch, helping him film. 3rd period an' what?! changed her mind and got us reading Hamlet. HOLLA! STOP HO! haha gangstah. I don't know why but I moke out in her class all the time. 4th period HOT and bored as hell.

Afterschool stayed back in Rams class. Watching KUNG FU PANDA <3 hawww cute movie. I love Dreamworks cute shizzz. Anyways, got interviewed for someones news story. Right outside the classroom doors was a "LOVE GLOVE" aii empress walks in and says got my DNA all over it, I was like yeah right was you! Then rams, mama q, and empress accusing me and geeee, hellz nawwww. In my head i was like it would so fricken disghusting if it was hybrids one. ew.

got home saw some of my baby photos posted it on facebook. made a video for gemel.

this weekend, essays, essays, and uh more essays.
going for the gates, and filipino chamber of commerance.

ohshaaa i like cry, my fault.
peace.

tomorrow blog somemore the heavy stuff.

ok timeout,

there is so much pressure, so much responsibility. a month ago i would be crying already, shutting my self away from everyone, so i can concentrate on carrying my load. but now that's not the case, I'm getting use to the word no. I'm getting use to balancing things. I haven't perfected it, never will but I'm at least getting somewhere, I'm progressing. The next challenge Now is all about patience and understanding, especially with *HER, she's a tough person, she'll throw her punches and beat me up, but I'll stand up again and again. Till i can catch her blows, only to ignore it, not to retort. The sense of urgency, I still need to feel. I still need to work on. Sure enough, it will come to me. I hope. Well back to work.

"You have probably grown tired of being a caretaker to your boss, your peers and even your kids. Don't waste energy being hard on yourself, for too much self-criticism can lead to despair without a healthy perspective."

today's horoscope. weird.

the weekend.

the weekend, let's start from friday.
Friday was thee (notice the two e's) haha football game. It was held at Aloha Stadium, Sabers v. Rams. I got to take pictures from the stand, and a little bit on the field. My feet were killing me by the end of the night. I never realized how huge the stadium is. After the game Rams bought us Mickey D's, I never realized how nice Angie is :)

Saturday had some major cleaning to do, I vaccumed, did the laundry, scrub the bathroom clean, took care of the garbage, dusted the house. Saved enough energy for the JV football game.Filmed the game. Got annoyed and harrassed in the sky box, ughhhh. Was planning to go to the Sony Expo, but uh pops got the dates wrong, ended up eating at zippy's sistah rae was working. talked about random things. i got asked a lot of questions, that got me thinking about my life. those "scoldings" always get to me. got home watched SNL mommy came home, all bitchy... i think she was tired from the trip.

Sunday woke up did the laundry, went to church. Then went shopping with dfizz and your maje$ty. haha was fun. fricken daniel in his jeans, mmm how you fit in them jeans. Bought new sandals? w/e haha. Dropped off essy, daniel wanted to stop by Vans so we did. Then when we are about to leave, Daniel's car refused to start, something with the battery, so he called mary to pick me up. haha along with all his shopping bags. shizzz. got home rake the yard. Took a walk aroung the neighborhood.

Best friend's birthday on Friday :)
btw Happy Birthday to my friend Evelyn.

the weekend.

I'm unbelievably sore from last night, and I think I caught Esther's disease HAH!
Varsity Sabers won against the Rams.
CHEEEEE!
I never realize how huge the stadium is
well 8 more months and we're back there again
shooot maybe going to big island for states.

Ok I'm really sore, making this short peace.

thank you for your concern;

yes thank you for your concern, i grasp what you are saying, i see the true message behind the rants. your a lonely angry person, seeking a friend. LONER! thank you for your concern, but like Rihanna says RIVE YOU RIFEE EH EH EH EH. Gosh create your own show already H. NANNY!

TIME FOR A CHANGE,
too much civil rights specials
headed by the queen of africa...
Oprah
anyways, meow.
that's for mr. remigio.

well today been ok, newspaper, pointless fucking test,
man i get so distracted in 3rd period everytime i'm in there
i feel like building a wall to keep the mongolians from the heart of
darkness getting to my speacial recipe of bejing beef.
MAHARO i wish i was chinese, like priscilla lai
remind me i need to read HOD3
ughhh, i'll just bullshit the answers
COURTESY OF SPARKNOTES BABES
anyways
broadcast, stn meeting.
as usual

jerk

i want to register for the SAT i need to register i ain't got no money to pay late registration fees. my mother is away, and my dad won't help me. ugh.

new month

totally forgot it's a new month, new month... new goals :)
goals for the month:
start to stand my ground
discipline my self not to procrastinate
submit two college applications
sign up for the dec. SAT
work on my essays
have a life :P
clear my mind
gain my sanity
slowly focus on other things.

haha big list.
today is election day unfortunately too young to vote. if i could let's say "time for a change".

this morning my mother and father were arguing on the phone. 8 years later and still going at it. they were arguing about me and why i don't talk to my father. my mother blamed it on my step mom and my dad blamed it on her calling it brain wash. -___-

going to watch a movie with gemel and jeff :)
yeaaaaah me! HSM3 again.
dorks.

update later.

LATER, so the new presidents is dun dun dun...
President Barack Obama.
Actually talked politics with Daniel


the movie proved to be a success although our group got split. ended up sitting with gemel and nowey. was fun, i could watch HSM3 one more time hah!

we started talking about a lot of things, grad. and prom wow. 8 months.

Today pulled a Hale Koa, Daniel was actually at Sams Club, and was spotted by Rams... but at the same time, i was upstairs in the food court. We were all at highlands. haha.

Sunday

I woke up all in pain today, I still am. Heading to church soon, in town. Hopefully munching on pork hash in an hour or two. Watched a pretty good movie last night, Changeling, very tragic story. Really gets to you. School tomorrow, and as always not looking forward to it. Hopefully I won't have a stressful week. Update later.

Just as I had predicted I was munching on some pork hash :)
I'm addicted to work, I like being under pressure... weird.
BORED! BORED! BORED!
PEACE!

Week is over,

I can finally relax. I'm most definitely taking my break. I feel so accomplished though, time to take it slow. Things I need to do, to regain my sanity.

Take a walk around the neighborhood
Draw
Read something besides Heart of Darkness.
Sip some Starbucks
Watch a movie
Finally eat Bi Bim Bap
Take a couple photos
Have those old conversations with Gemel

Forget all the problems, floating around in my head.
simple things.
then start on college essays.
focus more on that.

I miss all the little things, life has been so stressing and passing my by so quickly, that I truly do miss the simple things. No more screeching, shaking, hair tossing, tearing up, and stuttering.

heavy on the heart

I MISS the "USE TO BE"

-enough said.

Happy Halloween,

it's been one hell of a busy week, and finally it's over i can FINALLY take my break. Yearbook deadline done. News writing deadline done. Video contest done. I can finally live normal for a while. Here's a secret every time I have a deadline for any media I start to tremble, in my hands.

This would have been my "happy" Halloween.
Trick-o-treating for a while.
Chilling at the park .
Then a good movie.
While eating my tricks.

but, I'm forced to go to a party, with a bunch of strangers. My mom's high school friends, and my mom is forcing my sister and I to go knowing we would hate being there, and probably be bored out of our minds.

I HATE SCHOOL!

now is later.

school has been ok :) 1st period hella long. was talking to dfizz and ivy, till the "sense of urgency" popped up :/ that was a downer. been on it with the A&C logo. and my group final filmed. now i got to film with the other group and get to major edits. i had my usual "talk" with pops about being "talked" to. haha. everything is gee. but idk if i can, my mother's been upset with me :( another stress load. shit.

focus.

bout to head out to school not looking forward to it.
it's my senior year, and i keep hearing it's your senior year you are suppose to have fun.
not saying it's senioritis nope never again do i want to mess up. i already did junior year. i finally confronted what has been bugging me for the couple of days, the thing that's been haunting my dreams. it's all good. i lost my focus, i wanted to enter this year doing videos and enjoying my life with my friends, it's senior year. i miss my bestfriend so much, i tired calling him. something came up and that got in the way and i ended up yelling at him. ya dig? well got to head to school. update later.

craving:

on the weekends, i like to chill at borders. and i was browsing at some books. it is starting to feel like fall... rainy nights in a bookstore. dorky? hah!

book list:
-the shack
-five people you meet in heaven
-a brand spanking new sketch book :)

not looking forward to school tomorrow. stress-o-rama.

heavy on my mind = dreams

so weird, something has been depressing me this weekend. just some replayed thoughts, and words that had been said to me over the course of the past week. that came from that one hero, that made me kind of low. i guess it was so heavy on my mind it popped up in my dreams. same scenario but a different situation, end result i felt low and was about to cry :( laaaaameeee.

i think i know what lessons are to be learned from it, but i just can't get over it.
you dig? probably not hah!

i feel disappointed in my self
i feel hurt
i feel patronized
i feel a mix bag full of depressing emotions.
still...
hard blow yesterday
first the scare
then the cold shoulder
then HM
the tears
then the half ass work
make you feel like nothing...
then the shutdown on the graphic
the half ass work
then HM
then football game
then the attitude
then HM
then mother...
all lead to one conclusion
time to take that stupid break.
but i won't let it get in my way of enjoying my day right now.

"I don't like work-no man does-but I like what is in the work,-the chance to find yourself. Your own reality-for yourself, not for others-what no other man can ever know. They can only see the mere show, and never can tell what it really means. "

--Joseph Conrad Heart of Darkeness

haha if Ms. Tanaka could only see me now.

Taken one down.

At school right now supposedly filming the football game but I'm currently on a break after 4-3 hours of filming. So I had a bad day. Very emotional today. I was bawling the night before, today during 2nd, lunch, 3rd and 4th. It's okay, I'm still salty and not really happy about a few things, and a little more now -__- . I'm ready to take my break now. Emotional, Physical and Mental  break for now. I still have  a :( inside me. I feel a lot of things. 

Save the Boobs

Daniel and I participated in the race for the cure, along with Ms. Jones, Cody and some other kids. It was fun got to walk around the Zoo and Kapiolani park :) Jazzercise is very entertaining. We even saw Mrs. Rams there.

After wards Daniel and I went to Kahala Mall, to chill. We saw the new MBP :) AMAZING and a lot of Race for the Cure participants there. Then we went to Ala Moana we were gonna eat there but forget it. Then we went to Pearl Ridge he ate there. Then to Kapolei Jamba got my self an app. and turned it in, hopefully i get the job. I need that MBP :) that's the goal.

i asked for work again today. i get a F U C K no (he spelled it out). shitty deals :( then he somewhat gave in :) haha.

got home fixed my resume, printed it. fixed it again. then took a nap.

I'm mailing this card because I have the feeling that I'm going to meet the person who will change my life on the way to the post office.


just came home from the football game. sabers v. kaiser cougars. was suppose to be with gemel at the game, but he bailed. so it was just me, antonio, jeff, kirstin, and angie. i was so upset with him, i bitched at him so much. he turned off his phone. but i guess he knew he did wrong because he started calling my phone with a private number, trying to make me laugh :) tomorrow i'm going with dfizz to a walk for breastcancer pretty cool. dfizz is picking me up at 5:00 am >__< so damn early oh wells. for a good cause. man been so busy this week. three weeks ago was a hectic week then had the nice relaxing break. and back again with another hectic week. i'm stressing out, i can feel my heart racing and i get upset easier, my hair is falling, and i'm so sore. my body is tired.

random moment at the game, i seen mr. dela cruz and &WHAT at the game. i told &what no worry ms. i'll turn in my work and she was about to tackle me ;) haha! then i asked mr. dela cruz for some tips on photography and he gave me some and talked about teaching. that we should do field trips, and &WHAT chimmed in on the weekends not during class. haha. but yeah i really want to learn photography, from pops and dela. hawwww -___- i want T.U.L.E. seriously so i have the time to learn.

can't wait for playoff games, and hopefully ALOHA STADIUM :) cool working it there cheee.
ok i need to sleep bye. bye.

Reading Past Blogs

DUN DUN DUN!
it's seems that i have done a lot of growing. there has been a lot of times i stressed. and i had a couple epiphany's that turned out for the best. yes sir. a lot. in term one i read everything that i wrote, which documented everyday and man one busy week. i looked at last week all that i blogged and it seems like centuries ago. and every week i was stressed. total the number of meltdowns i've had 20 plus. over two months. complained of being tired, a dozen times.

yep, i don't care it's been one hell of a ride. i don't regret nothing.

Life's Little Instruction Book
-- H. Jackson Brown, Jr
Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have.

Be kinder than necessary.

Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.

Commit yourself to constant improvement.

Don't major in minor things.

Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you.

Take care of your reputation. It's your most valuable asset.

Never underestimate the power of a kind word or deed.

Watch for big problems. They disguise big opportunities.

Believe in love at first sight.

Talk slow but think quick.

Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

Always put something in the collection plate.

Turn enemies into friends by doing something nice for them.

Remember that a good example is the best sermon.

Don't let weeds grow around your dreams.

Don't take good friends, good health, or a good marriage for granted.

Pray. There is immeasurable power in it.

Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Never ignore evil.

Earn your success based on service to others, not at the expense of others.

Never let the odds keep you from pursuing what you know in your heart you were meant to do.

Never be too busy to meet someone new.

Remember that life's most treasured moments often come unannounced.

Become the world's most thoughtful friend.

Rebuild a broken relationship.

Protect your enthusiasm from the negativity of others.

Never resist a generous impulse.

Don't live with the brakes on.

i must say i did some of them, there's more to it :)

So...

two things on my mind. future. and now.
&WHAT gave us a reality check today, I need to switch my focus now. I need to get to Columbia or Academy of Arts. Seriously. I really want to go to Columbia. SCHOLARSHIPS! i'm a broke ass kid. and a job :)

on the side.
i finally finished scion, and man do i feel like shit. i am so tired and in pain right now. finally it's over i'm on a break, forced somewhat on it. hah, like today i said i'd work the weddings if no one touches by wed. and i get a fuck no. lol so random. seriously. then i had to ask for a two week break cause next week would be another work week. newspaper, yearbook, and contest.

what was messed up was a few weeks ago i was crying that i couldn't edit this. i try my best and i didn't get the job, like unfair. but somehow it ended up doing it i got what i asked for.

asfdnkasjfalsbncnewg 5f asdl;fkjae rjasfl asfsadft;trewalfgrfsdaf afsdf dgkogijeg
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! >___<

7:41 pm

and i'm still in school working on scion.
i'm so tired, i can't wait for this to be over.
still got homework and yearbook to worry about.
shit.

edit...
so i got home around 10ish, Rams actually came to the door and apologized to my mother for having me work. I thought I wasn't going to cry and have a meltdown. I had one when Daniel called. I started bawling. I am so tired, but still have Scion (I'm not a very good editor) Homework which needs to be done or &WHAT will kill me, she already bugs me about it, my mom, and yearbook layout... and pretty soon newspaper again. I just hope it will end soon.

Back to Scion...

Break,

So due to the amount of stress and overkill from last term, slowly winding down. after this week hopefully it'll be all good. I realized today, it's me... I needed to T.U.L.E. all the businesses is on my plate. Didn't help not bringing the hard drive, I got the hints all day to work on it... surprisingly I never freak out like I usually do.

Today was the assembly, Gemel forgot to confirm the photographer for Jeff so the man didn't show up. Ramiscal tried to help us out, but it didn't work out. Ms. Q made announcements, saved my butt from being booed off stage. The rest was scrambling to get everything set up.

Then first period random questions. Like really random.
So Daniel and I had this LOLz moment... rice cooker at lunch.
4th period worked on Scion, still feel guilty about yearbook.
Afterschool, got 2/3 project grad tapes log & cap :) whoooo!
Chilled with Jelli and Gemel while I waited for it.
Then left school with Gemel and we ate at Elm's Korean BBQ.
Saw 3 tranvesties.
Visted Jeffry.
Got the voicemail I needed to hear.
Got home and been editing scion ever since.

I feel a little bit accomplished today :) YAY ME!

I still need to jump on it with yearbook, I have been neglecting it. Then again I'm not into yearbook cause I feel out of the loop, but then again maybe I put myself there. Regardless I need to get my act together, pretty soon things should start balancing out.

Goal for the remainder of the week:
Tomorrow:
1. Edit as much as I can
2. Work with Jasmine
3. Battle Mr. Cheng
4. Depends on how well period 2 went
Afterschool: EDIT EDIT EDIT

as always never get in HM way...
haha.

I'm starting to dislike blogger, I don't like a out of no where trend.

:'(

Friends are relatives you make for yourself.

I LOVE THEM! I HONESTLY LOVE THEM! THEY SAVED ME SO MANY TIMES, THEY'VE DONE SO MUCH FOR ME... I DON'T THINK THERE IS NO WAY I COULD EVER REPAY THEM FOR WHAT THEY HAVE DONE FOR ME. I LOVE THEM! IT WOULD HURT TO SEE THEM GET HURT. I CAN TALK TO THEM, KNOWING THEIR LISTENING, KNOWING THEY CARE. I KNOW THEY DO. THEY ARE MY SECOND FAMILY, NO JOKE!

ILOVETHEMANDWOULDDOANYTHINGFORTHEMNOJOKEAFTEREVERYTHNG.

today,

nice way to end fall break procrastinating and yogurtland, getting high off hawaiian air. and de-virginizing my hair. peace, and to my best friend take it easy :)

JC

you fucker you scared me, to the point where i was about to shit bricks.
hope you are feeling better. i love you brah, you are like a brother
fuck you are my brother. get better, and don't stress on shit. i'll do the stressing
you calm your ass down. love you.

--AWEAR!

HURT :(

cracking up reading that post secret.

anyways... to make this short and sweet
I FEEL SO HURT RIGHT NOW & SHOCKED
and Jeffry is the only person that knows, because I told him.
HINT: it does not have to deal with that certain guy, nope.
look down at my other blog for a 2nd hint.

1 week & the H3

I have 1 week, I have given myself 1 week to finish all my stuff :) why am I in a rush?...
So yesterday I asked Ramiscal if he would write my recommendation letter. To my surprise he told me no... haha not until I finish my stuff. So I gave myself a week to:
-Upload and cut 2 more scion tapes
-Log and capture Project Grad 2008 and put it on the hard drive
-Fix BBG
-Burn 1 wedding and transfer one on the hard drive
-A feature
HOLY CRAP!
my motivation that recommendation and not having to clean that stupid middle room, that's covered in paint that I never sprayed

PLUS homework from my AP classes.

So last night was the football game. Campbell v. Kalaheo @ Kailua. That was thee most interesting game I have ever been to. The Kalaheo cheerleaders were laughed at. There almost was a fight between two women. The game was interesting, the fumbles. The turn overs. The ride there was an experinece. The mountains look unreal at night driving on the H3.

By the way did you know that right below the H3 is site where ancient hawaiian women and men lived. going towards Kaneohe on the left side is the men and on the right is the women. I learned so much. Pretty cool experience.

Found out news about my grandfather...

Change of Plans:

Thursday: Was a beach day, JUST WHAT I NEEDED. I miss the beach :( I did attend EBNB, it actually ended early, again :)

Friday: Workday all day. Football game

Saturday: Workday part 2. Community Service!

Sunday: Kayla's birthday.

So right now I have two schools in mind. I really want to go to one school CCC (the last two C's do not stand for community or city college.) It's a whole different time zone and everything. I think it would be really nice to go there. Like I really want to, but I get that it's super far and I would be lonely. I don't know :( I really want to!

Next school is AAU, closer. The bay area! I wanted to go there since I was little but I don't know. The tuition is higher.

Third option, online classes? for a year. Work on the side.

STUPID JERK

THOUGHTLDESS
SELF CENTERED
LAZY
NO GOOD FOR NOTHING
STUPID
INSECURE
IRKING
SELF CENTERED!
SON OF A BITCH
PATHETIC
SELFISH
SCUM BUCKET
SCUM BAG
JERK
EGOTISTIC
BASTARD
BITCH
INCONSIDERATE
HEARTBREAKING
SELF ABSORBED
VAIN

PAIN IN MY ASS!
>:( YEA I SAID YOUR ALL THAT!

Fall Break: Agenda

Tomorrow my mom's leaving, she's going to a reunion in Vegas. I'm attending a council meeting, my first post-council meeting. Then helping with the newspaper. Afterwards I hope to catch up on some homework

Thursday plan is, Jeff and I get together to turn 10 hours of break dancing, and a fabulous car show into 20 minutes. Then filming Ewa Beach Neighborhood Board.

Friday some time with my cousin or homework time. Then maybe football game?

Saturday community service with my cousin. Then I don't know

Sunday Kayla's party.

Fall Break Part 3

Today I got a wake up call from Jeffry, 6:20 in the morning, telling me he couldn't make it. I got ready, and called my older cousin. She told me some things about our family, that I just can't believe. I'm still in shock, that's how distant my family is, we all live under one zip code but live separate lives, the only time we get together is on the holidays, and even then not everyone comes. The Ramiscals picked me up and we went to school had to upload scion on to a hard drive. The babies were there, and boy oh boy is Sage a cutie :) in the car she was playing with those leapstart frog dolls, and it said I love you, so she picked it up and hugged it or something. When we arrived at school she walked into a different classroom and said "hi boy." to a little boy. While I was waiting for things to upload we were drawing on the boards, and she knows her alphabets... smart friendly cute kid :) hawwww super cute! Well then afterwards my cousin picked me up from school, and we ran some errands.

10hours=20minutes=10minutes OHSHAAA!

Finally home, and so tired. I need to do some chores, my mom wants her house super squeeky clean before she leaves to Vegas. She's on a reunion trip, somewhat. She's preping food for me to eat for a week :) pasta and all them goodies. Doubt I will eat it all, well back to cleaning.

So finished cleaning, I vacuumed, did the laundry, dust the house, cleaned the toilets. Hecka Productive today, KUDO's for me! & had a yummy baked manapua :)

Fall Break Part 2

I woke pretty early this morning considering it's fall break, 6:30. Been up ever since and boy am I bored. So bored been bugging Jeffry today, he shut himself from the world? I don't know about that one. Jeff picked me up and I left my house. The scene though at my departure. My mother and her best friend from high school were cutting the grass my cousins pulled up in a blue truck with a bag full of brownies, I'm running in and out of my house. Chaotic.

At Jeff's house, we did pretty much what I would have been doing. Tweaking it on youtube haha, we are lame. We were so bored we called Rams... So Jeff told me yeah try call Rams he won't pick up, I said he never pick up cause it was him calling (I was joking of course) and I bet Jeff that Rams would pick up my call. The man never. Jeff was laughing in my face, then I told him if Rams don't pick up my call then he usaully calls back within 5 minutes, ope 1 minute after got the call! Jeff and I being geeks volunteered to come in tomorrow.

We were watching Wong Fu, I love their videos so inspiring frick. ASIAN PRIDE! Which brought us to this anti smoking video, which was pretty hillarious. That brought us to this site xoutcig.com pretty cool site, I'm going to enter the graphic contest ^__^. If you check out you'll see this pretty neat flash site, that took Jeff 10 minutes to figure out it was a desk! LMFAO!

Then when I got home, my mother wanted to watch a movie. We went to the cheapest theater Wallace, $1 movie. Not bad, catch up on the ones I missed. We ended up watching When was the last time you've seen your dad? Britsh movie so called foreign with Colin Firth (Bridget Jones Diary, Love Acutally) Pretty cute movie, some parts were boring. Overall message was love your daddy no matter what.

Fall Break

so after a whole week of scrambling, a whole week of homecoming, ganir, and bbg. i finally getting a break! one week :) means a whole lot to me. busy busy bee. well sort of. Wednesday got to work on newspaper and Thursday got EBNB (volunteered on that one).

goals for the break. start on my college stuff. finish Ms. Tanka's and Cheng's work. get some R and R. Make up for summer break. Clean.

goals for the term, get the grades. work on getting to college. learn how to say no. build that confidence i lack. stand my ground without being an NAB.

current project learn adobe illustrator. basic photography. if my trial didn't expire already, maybe after effects.

taking a toll on me

Dear Darla,
I hate your stinking guts.
You make me vomit.
You're scum between my toes!

Love, Alfalfa.
PS YOU AINT WORTH IT.

highlight of today was watching a movie with my home girl Daniel. Nick and Norah's Infinite Play list was funny and cute :) some parts got cheesy. over all I LOVED IT!
i got the laptop back & i feel super embarrassed -__- over something i said.

I NEVER HAD A MELTDOWN!

yeah me :)

and i donated blood today!

feeling good.

Aii you look handsome today.

Get a life dude, picking on kids like that.

anyways, beta beta gamma today. i just hope i don't have another melt down. i already totaled 9 so far (according to me) jeffry said i had more then 10 less then 20. boy oh boy. i think i've done my share i need to wind down a little. need to be on it with the yearbook!

Last Day

of September and I beat last months blog count.
double the amount, supposedly waiting for stuff to do.
I'm getting sleepy already. Oh wells.
Homecoming week is super bad,
our class lost 50 points today all because of mother mother.

Sheesh when you read mother mother or see it written it don't bug yo but if you hear MOTHER MOTHER in a song in which you can assume they mean MOTHER FUCKER you hear MOTHER FUCKER, anyways the boys did do wrong regardless. Not getting salty over it.

I think I got ADD, I get distracted so easily.
BATMAN!

Oscar Ramiscal Part 1

For once this blog is relevant to the title
Is like Chris Angel.
Like Sylvia Brown.
Oprah EVEN!
He reads all of our minds.
He knows what's up.
What a overprotective all up in your business "DAD"

can feel the love.

half empty, half full.

there's always an up to a down. half empty, half full.
scion: it was tiring and I did not get home till 1:00 and felt so bad, but the event fun and for once everyone was there.
photo shoot: i learned a lot, i felt stupid :( yogurt land always satisfying.
homecoming: was not as successful as everyone hoped it would be. our class cheered their heart out.

September is coming to an end.
Within the months of August and September I've been involved with almost 20 different things for Campbell Media, now definitely is the time to back down.

I still am afraid of being rejected and looking stupid. I'm still learning, but just that feeling... the biggest fool in the world. I'm not even sure if anything I do is any good. Even a stupid sentence like this. I'm afraid their is like 50 billion mistakes.

I've been a whiny baby. The one thing I can't stand, I have become. -__-
I miss the little things, between us. Just friends always have been always will be. I'm missing our old friendship, too much has happened to let that thing go. Now a days it's like nothing, cause I'm too fricken busy and so is he.

so easy..
to forget..
all of..
the little things we do
like calling for no reason...

i know lately i’ve been busy
but second doesn’t go by without you crossing my mind.

its been so long
since we had time

STOKED?

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

This song is stuck in my head >:(

Scion tomorrow, stoked? Somewhat.

Got a phone today, pre-paid and AT&T I choose you. Since 2/3 of my bitches are on your network ;) JK LANG.

Sunday OMK, stoked? Somewhat.
Homecoming, stoked? Somewhat, I don't feel it anymore since Homecoming is messed up.
BBG, stoked? Somewhat. Working under pressure
PPF, stoked? Not even there.
Finals, stoked? Who ever is?
Senior Luau, stoked? Not even going.

FALL BREAK, STOKED? VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY, WELL DESERVED!

then the serious stuff begins.

Pretty random, I heard a super cute story today.

A Fairy Stole My Money!

This blog is in no way relevant to a Fairy who happen to steal my money. Every aspect of that sentence is fictional, there is no such thing as fairies and i got no money. Instead this is about mere ramblings of a mediocre adolescent, NO LIFE.

ANYWAYS!
I have so much stalkers >:) up on my blog. I'm famous, HAHA NO! Lame.
For the past two days I have been arriving home late, Wednesday was 9:00 and yesterday was at 7:30. This kid got no life.

So Wednesday I was running around trying to get leeward young artist done, and was mistreated by someone >:( salty jerk. Then afterschool had screening, then went with Ms. Diaz accompanied by Jel to Kapolei. That was a trip! Jel and I got lost and Ms. Diaz found the building by accident. Then stayed to work on the news paper, and my one little article was slaughtered by two teachers... haha man I need to work on my english conventions. Then had to play CSI/GUESS WHO? with pictures of new teachers.

Thursday stayed afterschool, Newspaper still not done. Was scrambling back and forth between classes during 4th. "helped" more like watched Rams setup Ms. Q's white board. Helped Daniel with his DVD. Came home with 4 double cheeseburgers, a XL Fruit Punch, and Large Fries. I felt like a fatass -___- NO I DID NOT EAT ALL THEM BURGERS!

On a serious note, COLLEGE! It still haunts me! I'm so effin' scared and confused but this new month October, I'm going to be I NEED TO BE on it. I need to take a small brake from media.

In class right now and I really shouldn't be doing this blog.
AWEAR OUT!

Daniel Remigio Part 2,

Once again disappointed to see that the title of your blog is irrelevant to the content.
By the way AGYAMANKA!
MOMMY DADDY MOMMY DADDY you hab to see Mr. Remigio Teets.

So I'm undergoing some ISL training from Daniel.
Today I shed a tear or two because of stress, my fingers tremor and I was stuttering. I think it's from the stress, I never felt it till today. Boy oh Boy.

Monster,

Hopefully that little Black and Green
can and will save my ass today.
I'm still tired. Very Very Very Tired.

Daniel Remigio,

F@#$ you with something hard and sand papery
Me being a follower to your blog was highly flattered
to find that you had titled one after me. Only to be disappointed.
By the content of the blog. Especially the first sentence.
"Ahndi is probably thinking that this blog post is about her, but this post will be something of a different nature."
*OUCH.

Haha jay kay lang.
All right then back to
my huge load of work.

Abnormal Sleep Pattern

A week ago I came home at 4:30 and knocked out till 7:00 in the morning. Last night I went to bed at 11:00 and woke up at 1:00, and I feel off balanced, dizzy. Lately I find my self so tired in the middle of the day. Not the type of tired where you yawn a couple times, it's like physically tired. My body is aching I don't want to move, I can't even think straight. Well I posted a picture of my iCal, those dates don't even cover half of what has been going on this month. The meetings, BROADCAST. My life at home! NOPE! Well I feel tired, and I still need to do the Laundry.

SMDO,

was okay.
everyone's mind was somewhere else
news paper, food, decorating
we never even watch the movie, it was playing but no one was watching.
other then that was ok, when we final settled was good.

btw, mama q's car broke down. Jeff and I had to push her car, and Daniel had to pick us up. Then we spent 40 dollars at 7-11.

BTW, Daniel and I ghost ride the whip
haha.

Another random thing
Pops farted and we heard it

The kiddies are so so so cute.

Daniel went into Jamba Juice and one worker warned the other one
COMPLICATED ORDER! haha

Rae Rae has a note waiting for her at her front door

SOMEWHAT home alone but I got Gemel on the phone tonight :)

M.I.A.

I love the work load, but I really am M.I.A. in a lot of things.
work hard? play later?
I just want to finish the news paper, then focus on the yearbook, then get to working on videos.
Video, my version of play later?
Ughhh, I feel so out of focused on video aspect.
DON'T FRICKEN MATTER
I love CAMPBELL MEDIA
-SABERMEDIA
-EWA NAUPAKA
-POHAKUMAE I forgot the Hawaiian name but uhh... yearbook
OH SHIT THE SHIRTS!

September 19,2008

Today I was so frustrated this morning, I punched the door. Broadcast worked hard putting it together did the graphics in case they were not done, 5 missing. It was just Jeff and I that put the announcements, graphics, and editing it. All for nothing because broadcast was not even hooked up, after getting a weeks to do so. The look and reaction on the mans face, got to me and I think Jeffry as well. I was frustrated because we worked so hard and wanted broadcast to go up, the only one working on it. Plus the lecture from Rams made me feel bad. Was frustrated.

Then by news writing time, I was like whatever. Lunch came in to set up broadcast. Third was english took a pretty easy test. Fourth I wished Empress a Happy Birthday, and started drawing myself. After school more news paper work.

Got home, the leak from the bathroom still infects our 1st floor ceiling, I felt bad because my mother went from one job to another had to come home to the fricken ceiling mess and again from one job to another no sleep what so ever :(

Tomorrow is SM day out, well supposedly.
It's a potluck, movie night at the building.
Hope it works out tomorrow.
Plus news paper meeting at 1:00
ohshaaaa

>:)

I am so speechless and touched right now.
I just can't believe this.
FRICK I'M GETTING IT TOGETHER!
NO MATTER WHAT!
>:)

Feel totally emotional

My only way of letting it go is blog venting.

I feel like a emo child, and I hate it.

Just one sentence.

I'm going to be ok :$

I cried it all out (5 hours). My eyes are red, in pain, and is swollen. I think there is a few more tears in me. I asked Jeffry to call Pops for me, funny thing he was about to call Jeffry, our WI FI was up and running. So we talked about a lot, and I think I'm going to be okay. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU DAD POPS RAMS it's what I needed conversations, wisdom, advice, and the father figure is the best gift and JEFFRY CHEFFEH CAMPS I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU, you're always their for me no matter how bitchy I can be I LOVE YOU

It's what I needed and I intend on making things right.

SICK & TIRED

I've been crying for three hours, I feel a mix bag of emotions!
I don't even want to say what happens all I know is
that I AM SICK AND TIRED of everything, it's so overwhelming
I can't stop crying
there is no I in TEAM but their is in selfIsh
aSJKFasfgjsadl;fjlasd;fjsadfsdfdsf ssdklgjfadsf ds
I'm tired
I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
I'm so irritated frustrated disappointed in myself
Confused Tired VERY EMOTIONAL
Tired of trying to sort this out
Defending others, trying to be calm
I don't know I need to talk to someone
I can't handle this anymore.
Too much problems too much being said
sdkajdasjdlasdjalflasdfdasncvfaherflaksdfjakl;fj adsfsdaf
I don't want any part of this
if it has to be like this every time
MY EYES IS RED AND SORE
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

I'm going to bed or something

AWEAR OUT!
I need to cool down :'( I hate this tired of this.

It just feels like those,

I want to blog something but I've got nothing to write (technically type) about.

Screening today was fun, I enjoyed it. Was interesting. The skits were cute, some were like HUH? but in conclusion we all need to practice. Do I miss it? Nope, to be honest I'm glad I made the choice to quit council, if I still was in council I would be stressed out. I'm glad I'm not involved, my problem now is stepping down and refusing in SM.

Well I... 11:11 making a wish *FIVE LETTERS :)
anyways I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. Not in a bad way I just mean my pile of work is decreasing, I'm feeling productive I just need and want some time to learn AE and Illustrator my goal is to not master but learn all I can about ADOBE!

Well today we got into big trouble. I'm never going to hear the end of it, it's the consequences and I'll take it, no matter how much it hurts.

Random Blog Part 2

List for today:
Important to Least Important
-Finish Macbeth Paper
-Psych Paper

-3 Layouts (GOAL)
-Wedding DVD
-Media Shirts

-LYA Resized
-Call bowling alley
-Go Walking (feel like a FATASS!)


Ok plate is full but not stressing and overwhelming. I'm on it, I'm on it >;)!
On the laptop right now it's being charged.
Still charger less :( hopefully this week Mama Q will get it.

Back to work.

LOL!

just in case you can't read it, it says (with spelling errors)
my mom cut her hair
with these sissors
I can't bare to
tell her they are my
pube trimming sissors.

LOL!

haha I love post secret.
I'm bored and today is very hot and sticky :(
I should do my essay for Tanaka, but currently I'm lazy and this weather is not helping. Maybe tonight.

The Weekend.

This weekend I am suppose to be with my dad, but I decided not to. He's mad at me now >:(!
I'm taking a break from Graphics and Photography.
Currently working on drawing, adobe after effects, videos?
The IB video isn't needed till later, and everything is being set by Ms. Do

TODAY is a day full of chores, not gonna complain about it. I have been neglecting my duties around this small house. Mommy came home with porkhash and manapua from Char Sung Hut (IDK?) a little place in downtown, super good :)

YESTERDAY was interesting. Morning half was with pops, marybaby, and camps. We had to film something at UH only took 10 minutes. We then ate at yogurtland :) YUMMY! (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED) dropped off Mary went to Millilani and home. Had interesting conversations in the car rides pretty cool. Then I came home mommy bought me a zip pac (fatass fo' real) and we went to the movies. BURN AFTER READING is a dark comedy, I actually noticed the angles and varying shots and focus... too much digital media haha. Came home and slept.

FRIDAY the charger for the laptop broke :(. MoHS v. Campbell we won, because I'm a good luck charm hahaha...not. We won though. It never rain when I touched the camera. Got scolded by the coaches. Lastly PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA 108 dollars worth. Oh and I learned some JCHS history.

NEXT WEEKEND
SMDO: Saber Media Day Out
-Urban 808
-Bowling
-Movie Night
-Football Game?

Notes,

COLLEGES:
1. AAU
-Application Fee

2. CCC:
-Transcripts
-*ACT/SAT scores
-Letter of Recommendation
-Immunization Records
-Application
-Essay
-Fee

3. OTIS:
-Application
-Application Fee
-Transcript
-*ACT/SAT
-*Portfolio

*CURRENTLY WORKING ON

Yearbook:
-Layouts
**GOING GREEN

SM:
-IB VIDEO
-FOOTBALL GAME FRIDAY
-BBG LADY

Newswriting:
-Layout

Random Blog,

I still got a heavy plate a huge to-do-list:
-Project Grad
-Leeward Young Artist
-IB video
-3 Weddings
-Ganir
PLUS deadlines for Yearbook and News Writing

So no more favors!
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
before I really do go insane.

anyways...
it's okay to want someone you can't have. it's okay to keep
friendships when you don't want them, or when you want
something more. it's okay to cry when you're hurt, and it's
okay to stay mad at someone who hurt you. believe it or not,
it's always gonna be okay. that's just how it works.
sometimes, things don't always work out the way you want
them to and a lot of times, it seems like they never will.
but it's okay, that's how life's supposed to be. it's all about
learning how to deal with the bumpy parts in the road and
waiting 'til they're smooth again. it's all about forgiving and
forgetting. it's all about waiting and wishing. that's just how life is.

It's a quote.

Last Night I slept on my arm I guess, when I woke up this morning it was blue!

BTW Friday was the 1st recorded broadcast! CHEE! Super excited.
I love FLIP crackers whatever they are called HELLA GOOD!
& WONGRIZZLE HYBRID MAN was NOT THERE of FRIDAY!
:)

RANDOM BLOG: Misc. Ramblings