Christmas List Part 2

I don't ask for much. Anyways, today gift wrapping thingy at Borders. I haven't touch the external in the past 4 days, I put off everything cause this is the break I'm actually going to take it. Since I haven't done so over the summer, waiver days, and fall break. I actually drew something in my drawing book, cleared my mind enough, FINALLY! Still bothered by the fact the HM knows about the accident. Not looking forward to school, this blog probably piss off maryxbaby psst.. I never cry today haha.

Journey's Bomb Tote Bag

Journey's Plaid Messenger Bag
Dream Create Live Burnout Tee Forever 21 (HAHA)

Christmas List

Vans Boylston
IPOD Nano (PRODUCT) RED
Borders Gift Card
Pucca Doll :)
Canon PowerShot SD880 IS
The Shack by William P. Young

November 27

Unlike my friend, I do not like the trend. Happy Thanksgiving. So Thanksgiving plans, went to my cousins house and now at my other cousins house. Why we are not just at one house, one big happy family I do not know. The food is good as usual, I think I might die from my aunties desert trying very hard to avoid it. So what I am thankful for huh? The traditional stuff...

Mom- Always been there for me, although we engage in many pointless arguments, I still love her and I know she only wants the best of me and the best for me. She struggles, for my sister and I. I'm thankful for her selfless love.

Sister-Picking up the pieces. She's a good girl, although she acts immature. When I'm really hurt she takes care of me.

Kirstin- Is practically my older sister, although I do not agree on the things she does, she looks out for me and got my back. Always welcoming me. Giving me a place to run to when things get rough

Jeffry- One of my best friends. Always the guy you can count on the shoulder to cry on the sensitive teddy bear. He's been there for me, and I only hope I've been there enough for him. He has the biggest heart ever, although he's been through a lot. I love him.

Daniel- Sistah from another mother, nailz. Shit he entertains me, he's brighter than sunshine that's why ;) When I do panic and cry he's always the one telling me "No worriez sistah" Makes me laugh, Makes my day, he's the kine of people that makes life interesting.

Gemel- I love him, although he's a pain in the ass. My taxi driver. We argue a lot, barely talk, but he always got a place in my heart.

Ramiscal- The father figure, my in school father. He's always there counseling me, scolding me, making me cry, trying to make me a better person. Pushing me always, and for that I'm eternally grateful.

Mama Q- She's more like an aunty, she's so funny and lovable. She always console me when I am crying, when the big bully picks on me :)!

Mary & Esther- They drive me completely nuts, but I love them. Always letting me munch off them, sure we argue a lot, and I AM total opposites of them we still get along, shit we get shit done and damn it's amazing

Yesterday afternoon never again do I want to hear *her talk about things again. Got so distracted I wrote DICK UTILITY instead of Disk Utility, NAILZ.

for the next months my weekend is already filling up.
dec. 6 - SAT
dec. 13 - Cousin's wedding
dec. 21 - hiking ;]

so today told rams our (jordan and i) idea for a field trip. and to my surprise he was all happy to go too. and shizz. we started planning it out. today been working, busy body no joke. i can handle now. cherry. update more later.

now is later.
so today is today and yesterday is the shizz i wrote up there, lets start with yesterday.
yesterday first period had some lameee ass testing, someone wrote a note "lets not cheat" and passed it along, haha bullshit. everyone was cheating. the test was easy i took it semi-serious. came back to first period, someone was happy to see me -___- second period was working on yearbook and all that, then popped into ramiscal's class chit chat about hiking. a leaf and a stick used to poop, uh the stick? (inside joke). third period, snoozeeeer i hate those videos. fourth period boy did i feel like the boss lady created a checklist awear all over it, to get my layout done! after school log and cap 3 tapes.

last night, went to mickey d's with my mom, sis, cousin, and grandma. my grandma brought up the Philippines. Man I haven't been there in a long time, my other grandma who loved and took care of me, practically raised me till i was in elementary school, the last time i talked to her our conversation left me in tears. she told me i don't have much time left, come visit me, please i want to see you before i die. that was a couple years ago. recently our calls, is impossible... she's losing her memory. my mother made it a point to send me there next year. and my dad take care of my sisters fare.

life is moving at a fast pace... right now i don't know what i want to do in life.
there's this one thing, but everyone will think i'm nuts.
oh well laters... gemel should be coming soon.

seasonal depression?

could it be possible. it's the weather. it's the fact it's the holidays.
up till the third grade, my christmas... had christmas lights
a huge tree a little village with snow men statues
manger statues and car rides to see all the lights.
christmas songs. and alvin and the chipmunks.
then one year later to...
crying cause i wanted my old christmas.
i wanted that feeling that love from both my parents
i wanted them there together
never again did my house light up with decorations
never again did the smell of pine filled my house.
never been the same since.
when it comes to this part of the year.
my mind wonders on the upcoming year.
my feelings, all the troubles i kept locked up
comes out. as i let the cold tickle me.
this year... just feels different.
hope something good happens.

when was the last time...

you picked up a book? my answer to that question a very long long time ago :( for me that's sad. not that i hate reading, i love reading, but just finding the time and the right setting. recently everything has been at a fast pace, so busy i need to think a month ahead now. and when i do get the time i need, i am dog tired to do anything. that. this. needs to change. now what brings me to this topic...

today i did not attend church, i did go to the movies along with esther, daniel, and the ramiscals. esther, daniel, and i had some time to kill before meeting up with the ramiscals so went looking around odessey town. we went to a mini borders, and esther wanted to buy twilight, as for daniel he was pressured, gave in to buying it too. As for me i purchased a sketchbook. then we met up with the ramiscals and watched "BOLT" it's a cute movie, us geeky big kids got a couple laughs at the characters and a boom mic. then we left to get some jamba juice and pandas to go. we dropped off essy and daniel parked it at waikele to eat. then we entered borders. and to our surprise ohshaaaa rams was there, purchasing some right brained something book. then we left for home. so everyone is reading and i'm still tired from everything.

homework, should start that biography. but i don't know how. ugh i dislike cheng's class. that laziness is kicking in. ugh.

the weekend.

Friday, I was in school finishing up a couple yearbook stuff in the studio while listening to some 80's music and being freaked out by one music video Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart. SO nails. Then got a ride to Kalihi and caught the bus to the heart of downtown, all for nothing I was so upset. Spent some time at home, till Daniel IM me. He asked if I was interested in going to an IB party, so we went to the IB party. It was cute, they had a pie eating contest. Then we watched thee most disghusting movie. Inside a french horror.

Saturday, I was in school AGAIN. Haha cheerleading competition. I was bored. I juggled stills and video. Pretty ok. Had a few laughs here and there. Rams got a Wii and has been "addicted" to it. Jeff checking them cheerleaders out, haha jk. jk. jk.

Today church and movies, gonna go out and see BOLT with Essy, Dfizz, and the Rams Fam because of OMK :)

in school again.
give up my summer
my "no school" days
my weekends.
no ways, got to get shit done.

>;(

Something happened. that I wish to god it never did. but it did. I lost my best friend's trust worst part the one that hurts the most, is I probably lost their friendship. If you're reading this I know sorry isn't good enough, I don't know what to do. I did try to get to the place it was closed, and I wanted to thank you. I should have gone already. I'm sorry, tell me what to do and I'll make it up to you. SO SO SO SORRY. If you never want to talk to me, I understand. If you are mad at me, I understand. Sorry.

Update on some things,

goals for the month of November
start to stand my ground
discipline my self not to procrastinate
submit two college applications
sign up for the dec. SAT
work on my essays
have a life/clear my mind/gain my sanity
things I need to do, to regain my sanity.
-Take a walk around the neighborhood
-Draw
-Read something besides Heart of Darkness.
-Sip some Starbucks
-Watch a movie
-Finally eat Bi Bim Bap!!!! ONE MORE AND I GAIN MY SANITY
-Take a couple photos
-Have those old conversations with Gemel *SIGH fuck it already "THAT'S NOT HAPPENING"
slowly focus on other things.

Marinelle Guillermo

and I argued over blogger today.
I never cry today.
and by the way MEOW!
and I did talk to pops
and Mama Q
the end.


just for you ;)
maybe i'll do a mary approved blog
tomorrow... too tired.

update, so the tale of my recommendation letter. I woke up I checked my email and to my dismay I still hadn't received my letter of recommendation. My teacher had emailed it to me early this morning, he must have been tired because he had sent me my resume. As soon as I learned of my misfortune I called him, and once again I was jinxed for my teacher had left the laptop at home (he was headed to a workshop). The whole day I was frantic, but fortunately I have a friend like Angie to reassure me. Together we had worked on a couple college documents. I returned home quite early today. 3:00! HAHA! Gemel had taken me home, but before that we had to make a pit stop at KFC for him. He ordered forgetting his condiments so a trip again through the drive through. As I made my departure, I took his jelly and told him if he wanted it he needed to squeal, and the DORK DID! Haha, funny random moment which I absolutely love. I searched up a couple more scholarships online. Later in the evening pops called, bearing bad news my letter would not come in untill his power went back up. I decided to tag along with my cousin to Starbucks. Got home and finally recieved the letter. I gossiped with Daniel on AIM, and tried very hard to console Jeffry. I'm very weary and still a little troubled. Tomorrow is a new day. Another battle :) BRING IT ON Hannah Montana >;)

Nov. 19, 2008

AHHHHHHHHHHHH one hell of a morning. my letter of recommendation from pops i still haven't received he emailed me my resume instead and left his laptop at home :'[ i like cry... but idk. don't want to talk about it. Wished Jordan a Happy Birthday one day too early sorry.

Well I need to get ready peace.

5 sec wrap up

had another emotional day,
i did cry today.
not because of stress.
but something else
that hit close to the heart.
i'm ok now.
and everything is still good.
just having a tough time.
scratch that
maybe a istsy bitsy
bit hurt still.
well i need to sleep.
night.

Thanks,

I called my former history teacher, asking if she could help me out. Well as always we were talking about things, the economy, movies, and all that jazz. She then brought up a good point, the reason why I quit council, I forgotten... i'm not going to quote her, but here's the break down. I've done so much, because others wouldn't. now it's time for me to think about me. how exactly will karma have good fortune fall on me, if i'm too distracted.

Today been on it with college, stuff. 8 complicated essays in two weeks. I pray to god I get it. Please. Well I'm so tired, I can't even think right now and it's only 9:00 ouch. That's my problem, by the time I get home I have no energy for anything. Lame.

UGH!
now sweetie pie is irking me.

Hour later, finally hung up on him I can't take it when he thinks I can drop everything just to fix problems for him, for his project. When I got a billion and one things of my own.

It really is starting to feel like the holidays, besides the decorations at the mall, it really is starting to feel like it. I can feel it, the weather my mood is starting to think about family. Family... rarely are we are ALL together and happy, usually a bitter quarrel between someone. My mother anti-social hates it. Yep the holidays... I just don't want a repeat of last year... well I need to sleep losing my mind here. Peace.

I'm Thankful

Nothing lately has been heavy on my mind, phew that's a good sign.

Today I woke up a little late and went to church. Unexpectedly I started bawling, at church I never do listen to the pastor or anything like that, no at church I am in my own world, thoughts float around in my mind and I reflect on my life. I look at my problems and count my blessings. That leads to why I was crying. My aunt claims to be a palm reader, she refused to read any of older cousins palm, but when I waved mines in her face she grabbed it. She read it out loud in Filipino. I couldn't understand some things she was saying. I later asked my older cousin who was around, she said my aunt thinks I'm going to be successful. I don't believe in palm reading and all that, but I started to think about success. I always thought success is measured by the amount of money you have, but I finally came to my senses and realized there's more to it. Success in the dictionary is not defined by material possessions but rather an accomplishment, an achievement. So as I stood in church I started thinking about my success and fortune, and I finally got it. I've been rich in love. Throughout my life there had been so many people who looked out for me, who thought there was something about me, who cared for me. I never had a friend mad at me or say something about me as far as I know, and I always had encouragement from so many people. I'm so thankful for that. I always grumbled on the unfair life I lived, how it was unfair I didn't have a normal happy home, unfair I can't enjoy the simple things, unfair... but through it all someone was there, my aunties and uncles watched out for me and took me in when my mother was upset. In elementary school, I had sympathy from my teachers. Even now, I have teachers, who practically are like my parents. My friends ask me what's wrong..Through every stage in life I had someone looking out for me... I just never noticed it...

I LOVE YOU & THANK YOU...
I'm rich at heart and love,
no one can take that away from me.

Then A Hero COoOoMEs AlOoOoNG!

Today I vacuumed the house and worked on my HFJCC scholarship application. Then finally got that birthday video uploaded. Then Daniel picked me up and we went to Ala Moana for the Sony Expo. We chilled at Ala Moana for a while exploring the wonders of Shirokia, Macys, and Apple Store. Macys we meet a bonafied NANCY, BARBARA, JESSE, BETTY kind of woman, and a lady named Jessie D.

We spotted the Ramiscals right outside Shirokia, and Daniel and I were all scared, till we finally got the guts to go out there, we were kind of suppose to meet them I think? Anyways, almost got ran over by a 2 passenger stroller ha ha. Nah, was pops pushing his kiddies, and may I say for the millionth time his children are adorable. Half Japanese, Half Filipino babies always are. I'm envious of their fair complexion. I noticed the man donated blood, a few weeks ago he was unable to but now he can that's pretty awesome, proud of the ol' man.

Went to the Sony Expo, everything was amazing. They had some pretty dope SLR, the TV are unbelievably thin. The camera's have awesome lighting, and one of them requires no tape aii LOG AND CAPTURE is history ;P and a program called AVID NO RENDERING! Also a camera where it detects you smiling and it takes a pic. automatic. So Daniel, Pops, Sherwin, and I were standing in front of it, wondering what would happen if we just stood in front of it without any teeth visible, of course it never snapped but i guess our wi fi was on cause about 5 sec. afterwards we all smiled at the same time. Haha.

Afterwards walked back to Ala Moana, and went to the apple store. We were all looking at the programs and Daniel and I was like omg a Logo making program started joking with pops that if we had used this we could have gotten the A&C logo to him faster. Then Sherwin pointed out some SAT programs, and then pops pointed out two programs for me a elementary spelling game, and a math tutoring program NAILZ lmfao.

I was suppose to go to a Rex N. comedy show at pipeline with my dad, step mom, and little sister, but uh I didn't want to so I called my mom asked if we could go see a movie along with Daniel. We never, instead just ate and headed for home. I have a chance to see Rex tomorrow night anyways haha.

I'm home now and the neighbors are irking. There is a Filipino party going on, oh my someone busted out with the karaoke. Most popular songs...
once more you oOoOopen the doOor... my heaaaaaarrrt will goOo oOOon and oOoon...
then a heeerooo comes aloOong with da strength to carry on...
the greaaaaaatest love of all is haapening to meeeeeeeeeeee...
and da risen is clear itsh becas you are here...i'm on toOop of the woOorld loOoking down on creation... your loob has put me on top ob da world.

aii shaddap already.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdER2QVlqTM
check it out, made it for the BFF.

happy birthday

to my b.f.f. geeeeeee
i love you dawg :D

anyways, today is my bff's birthday, everyone got him a balloon and stuff, i started to cry cause i got nothing for him. i gave him a hug and shoved 5 dollars at him, he took of course filipino that's why. why the big deal? uh if a friend took you to the movies bought you ice cream and let you watch the sunset for your bday and you can't figure what to do for his, it's kinda a big deal for me.

first period came to school close to 50 min. late because sweetie pie forgot the camera. broadcast was running. finally did the arts and communication logo, a collab with daniel and i! &WHAT no mess. 2nd period got black emo make up put on me, because daniel needed to film a video about him without him in it. we were going for the mean girls look, hah! he caught me on tape falling off a chair LMFAO. Lunch being daniels bitch, helping him film. 3rd period an' what?! changed her mind and got us reading Hamlet. HOLLA! STOP HO! haha gangstah. I don't know why but I moke out in her class all the time. 4th period HOT and bored as hell.

Afterschool stayed back in Rams class. Watching KUNG FU PANDA <3 hawww cute movie. I love Dreamworks cute shizzz. Anyways, got interviewed for someones news story. Right outside the classroom doors was a "LOVE GLOVE" aii empress walks in and says got my DNA all over it, I was like yeah right was you! Then rams, mama q, and empress accusing me and geeee, hellz nawwww. In my head i was like it would so fricken disghusting if it was hybrids one. ew.

got home saw some of my baby photos posted it on facebook. made a video for gemel.

this weekend, essays, essays, and uh more essays.
going for the gates, and filipino chamber of commerance.

ohshaaa i like cry, my fault.
peace.

tomorrow blog somemore the heavy stuff.

ok timeout,

there is so much pressure, so much responsibility. a month ago i would be crying already, shutting my self away from everyone, so i can concentrate on carrying my load. but now that's not the case, I'm getting use to the word no. I'm getting use to balancing things. I haven't perfected it, never will but I'm at least getting somewhere, I'm progressing. The next challenge Now is all about patience and understanding, especially with *HER, she's a tough person, she'll throw her punches and beat me up, but I'll stand up again and again. Till i can catch her blows, only to ignore it, not to retort. The sense of urgency, I still need to feel. I still need to work on. Sure enough, it will come to me. I hope. Well back to work.

"You have probably grown tired of being a caretaker to your boss, your peers and even your kids. Don't waste energy being hard on yourself, for too much self-criticism can lead to despair without a healthy perspective."

today's horoscope. weird.

the weekend.

the weekend, let's start from friday.
Friday was thee (notice the two e's) haha football game. It was held at Aloha Stadium, Sabers v. Rams. I got to take pictures from the stand, and a little bit on the field. My feet were killing me by the end of the night. I never realized how huge the stadium is. After the game Rams bought us Mickey D's, I never realized how nice Angie is :)

Saturday had some major cleaning to do, I vaccumed, did the laundry, scrub the bathroom clean, took care of the garbage, dusted the house. Saved enough energy for the JV football game.Filmed the game. Got annoyed and harrassed in the sky box, ughhhh. Was planning to go to the Sony Expo, but uh pops got the dates wrong, ended up eating at zippy's sistah rae was working. talked about random things. i got asked a lot of questions, that got me thinking about my life. those "scoldings" always get to me. got home watched SNL mommy came home, all bitchy... i think she was tired from the trip.

Sunday woke up did the laundry, went to church. Then went shopping with dfizz and your maje$ty. haha was fun. fricken daniel in his jeans, mmm how you fit in them jeans. Bought new sandals? w/e haha. Dropped off essy, daniel wanted to stop by Vans so we did. Then when we are about to leave, Daniel's car refused to start, something with the battery, so he called mary to pick me up. haha along with all his shopping bags. shizzz. got home rake the yard. Took a walk aroung the neighborhood.

Best friend's birthday on Friday :)
btw Happy Birthday to my friend Evelyn.

the weekend.

I'm unbelievably sore from last night, and I think I caught Esther's disease HAH!
Varsity Sabers won against the Rams.
CHEEEEE!
I never realize how huge the stadium is
well 8 more months and we're back there again
shooot maybe going to big island for states.

Ok I'm really sore, making this short peace.

thank you for your concern;

yes thank you for your concern, i grasp what you are saying, i see the true message behind the rants. your a lonely angry person, seeking a friend. LONER! thank you for your concern, but like Rihanna says RIVE YOU RIFEE EH EH EH EH. Gosh create your own show already H. NANNY!

TIME FOR A CHANGE,
too much civil rights specials
headed by the queen of africa...
Oprah
anyways, meow.
that's for mr. remigio.

well today been ok, newspaper, pointless fucking test,
man i get so distracted in 3rd period everytime i'm in there
i feel like building a wall to keep the mongolians from the heart of
darkness getting to my speacial recipe of bejing beef.
MAHARO i wish i was chinese, like priscilla lai
remind me i need to read HOD3
ughhh, i'll just bullshit the answers
COURTESY OF SPARKNOTES BABES
anyways
broadcast, stn meeting.
as usual

jerk

i want to register for the SAT i need to register i ain't got no money to pay late registration fees. my mother is away, and my dad won't help me. ugh.

new month

totally forgot it's a new month, new month... new goals :)
goals for the month:
start to stand my ground
discipline my self not to procrastinate
submit two college applications
sign up for the dec. SAT
work on my essays
have a life :P
clear my mind
gain my sanity
slowly focus on other things.

haha big list.
today is election day unfortunately too young to vote. if i could let's say "time for a change".

this morning my mother and father were arguing on the phone. 8 years later and still going at it. they were arguing about me and why i don't talk to my father. my mother blamed it on my step mom and my dad blamed it on her calling it brain wash. -___-

going to watch a movie with gemel and jeff :)
yeaaaaah me! HSM3 again.
dorks.

update later.

LATER, so the new presidents is dun dun dun...
President Barack Obama.
Actually talked politics with Daniel


the movie proved to be a success although our group got split. ended up sitting with gemel and nowey. was fun, i could watch HSM3 one more time hah!

we started talking about a lot of things, grad. and prom wow. 8 months.

Today pulled a Hale Koa, Daniel was actually at Sams Club, and was spotted by Rams... but at the same time, i was upstairs in the food court. We were all at highlands. haha.

Sunday

I woke up all in pain today, I still am. Heading to church soon, in town. Hopefully munching on pork hash in an hour or two. Watched a pretty good movie last night, Changeling, very tragic story. Really gets to you. School tomorrow, and as always not looking forward to it. Hopefully I won't have a stressful week. Update later.

Just as I had predicted I was munching on some pork hash :)
I'm addicted to work, I like being under pressure... weird.
BORED! BORED! BORED!
PEACE!

Week is over,

I can finally relax. I'm most definitely taking my break. I feel so accomplished though, time to take it slow. Things I need to do, to regain my sanity.

Take a walk around the neighborhood
Draw
Read something besides Heart of Darkness.
Sip some Starbucks
Watch a movie
Finally eat Bi Bim Bap
Take a couple photos
Have those old conversations with Gemel

Forget all the problems, floating around in my head.
simple things.
then start on college essays.
focus more on that.

I miss all the little things, life has been so stressing and passing my by so quickly, that I truly do miss the simple things. No more screeching, shaking, hair tossing, tearing up, and stuttering.