Jokes? Confidence?

Like I said yesterday at the BBQ, we were cracking jokes. A lot of them were targeted towards me. So much at one time, I couldn't take it. I ran outside and started to cry. Weak? Can not handle? No, I'm not I can take it. I hear those cut downs everyday, from friends or family. I just get to this point, like a cup. Jokes fill me up so much till I overflow, then I empty out and start all over. The only time it kills me, is when I help a person be very nice and they still cut me down constantly, don't even give me the ounce of respect. The only time. Maybe I should have stood up for myself, that would have ruined the flow. Letting them do it makes me a pushover.

So "dad" constantly tells me to build my confidence. I need to start going with my instinct and suffer the consequences, whether it's good or bad. Stop questioning my self, if I'm wrong I'm wrong. It's not going to kill me. When I do mess up, don't cry. I can do it I can do it. I know how to do it, I know I will try not to mess up, Be the best, so why worry?! I need to stand up for myself. Stop over analyzing.

Funny thing, yesterday Ms. Wong was helping Rams out by typing out this letter for him. It was about the internship, and us interns to help get us 10,000 for STN. So she wrote that I needed to work on my confidence. I thought the whole time that Ramiscal told her to write that. Later on I found out he did not tell her to write it, she really wrote it.


STATUS: Watching WONG FU videos on youtube, recommended to all aspiring film makers


**EARLIER I HAD "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BUILD MY CONFIDENCE" right after "so dad constantly tells me to build my confidence" just needed a little reflection I guess.